


I Won't Lose Everything

by Krashlyn



Category: Krashlyn - Fandom, Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2014-06-04
Packaged: 2018-01-01 04:00:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 22,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1040096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krashlyn/pseuds/Krashlyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I'm drawing this one out a chapter longer... Next chapter is the last one. </p><p>Also I'm posting it from my phone so hopefully the format comes out right :)</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Ash!" She kept walking "Ash, wait!" there was no stopping her but Ali had to try. "Don't do this!" She caught up and planted herself in front of Ashlyn. She knew Ashlyn would push her out of the way so she put her arms up waiting to block it. Ashlyn had every right to want to push her- Ali had just slapped her in the face. And yes, Ashlyn deserved it, but she didn't actually think Ali would take it that far.

"Leave me alone" she raised her arms to push Ali out of the way but Ali grabbed onto them, trying to stop her from walking by. "Get off me" she warned while forcefully pushing Ali's arms off her. Ali could see the anger in her eyes- it froze her in place.  _Oh no, what did I do?_

"No... Ashlyn!" Ali could feel the tears welling in her eyes. Ashlyn had never acted like this before and it was worrying her. She was about to reach the door when Ali made one last effort to stop her life from falling to pieces. She hugged Ashlyn around the waist with no intention of letting go. "I'm sorry, we can talk about this. You need to hear me out!" But Ashlyn had heard enough.

Ashlyn stopped and struggled but still managed to pull Ali's arms off her. The adrenaline coursing through Ali's veins made her stronger than usual. Ashlyn turned around to face her, her hands holding the brunette back by her wrists- forcefully, but still managing to keep from hurting her. Ashlyn can see the desperate pain in her eyes and it kills her but she knows what she has to do.

At first, Ali thinks she might give in but then she speaks "Leave. Me. Alone, Ali." She is surprisingly calm, despite the look of hurt and anger in her eyes and Ali shakes her head right to left furiously, refusing to accept it. Ashlyn lets go of Ali's arms and walks out the door, slamming it behind her.

...

(two hours earlier)

Ali was nervous to go back. She knew Ashlyn watched the interview, she was always good about supporting Ali- no matter how big or small the publicity was. Ali couldn't always return the favor and this time- she messed up big. Cornered into a question she was not ready to publicly answer, Ali opted to lie instead of admit she was dating Ashlyn.   _Ash is going to kill me._

To sit and watch the interview with a bunch of their teammates, all of which know the real story, and hear her girlfriend deny everything- broke Ashlyn's heart. They had a conversation about Ali taking steps to go public less than a week ago. This was a giant step backward. Ashlyn had accepted the discret manner of their relationship for a year now. She put up with so much from Ali in order to keep their relationship alive but this was certainly the last straw.

Ali was afraid to enter the team hotel- for fear of running into someone and having to explain. She figured everyone either saw the interview or heard about what she said from someone else. She walked briskly to the stairs. Her room was only on the third floor and she didn't want to risk getting caught in the elevator with anyone. She got to her room and hoped her roommate, Kelley, was gone. As soon as she opened the door she heard the TV and just knowing her roommate was there made her heart sink.

She took a deep breath and rounded the corner from the entry only to find Ashlyn sitting on the bed, staring at the TV. If her heart sank before, it totally exploded right now. She could tell there was pain in Ashlyn's eyes without even looking into them. "Baby, I'm so-"

"Sorry? Yea, so am I." Ashlyn cut her off  and turned to face her. "Sorry I thought for once you could think about anyone other than yourself." Ali could already feel the tears coming but Ashlyn remained stone-faced. She was done. "Alexandra..."  _Oh, she's really pissed._ Ali was about to realize just how serious Ashlyn could be. "I can't be the only one in this. I've worked with you for  **a year** , Ali, I can't do it anymore."

"Baby..." Ali started to walk toward her.

"No! No, you don't get to call me that anymore!" Ashlyn jumped up and it stopped Ali in her tracks.

"Baby..." Ali ignored her request. She had never seen Ashlyn so angry but she wasn't going to let it push her away. "I wasn't expecting that question. It's a lot at once and I wasn't prepared. I didn't mean what I said. You know I love you."

Ashlyn just laughed "If you love me as much as you say you do- why can't you show it? I show you every day. I'm ready to show you to the world... and you're ashamed to let people know we're together. You said you were going to try- it was your idea!"

"That's not fair! I'm not ashamed of you. I'm so proud of you and you know it." Ali raised her voice which only made Ashlyn more angry. "It's just... not that easy for me. We talked about this."

"We've been talking about this for a year, Ali!" There was no arguing with Ashlyn at this point. She already knew she was going to end it with Ali right now but she should have waited until she was calm before having this conversation. She knew she could say some hurtful things when she was mad and this was the most mad she has ever been.

"It's not that easy for me" Ali repeated herself but Ashlyn was ready to break her heart like Ali had just broke her's.

"EVERYTHING is easy for you, Ali! Look at yourself!" She raised her hand to point to her. "You're Ali  _fucking_  Krieger! You lived in _Germany_ and you were in the _World Cup_." Ashlyn was mocking her in a very sarcastic manner and it was making her furious. "Ali is fluent in German. Ali is the best right-back in the world. Ali's afraid to feel anything. Guess what? You're... not- that- fucking- important!" She was yelling now and severely offending Ali. The fact Ashlyn could say these things- whether she meant them or not was extremely hurtful. Ali didn't have time to think before she reacted, no time to calm down, the next thing she knew she slapped Ashlyn across the face.

The second her hand was on Ashlyn she regretted it.  _How could I do that? Why did I do that?_  She immediately pulled Ashlyn in and apologized but the damage was already done. Ashlyn slowly pushed her off. "Ash, baby, I don't know why I did that. Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" Now Ali was sobbing. Even though Ashlyn felt she probably deserved it, it was still the fuel she needed to start the fire.

She hardly reacted to Ali. All she could do is look down and try to choke out the next sentence. "We..." she motioned between herself and Ali "...are done." She grabbed her phone and jacket and turned to leave the room, to leave Ali.

...


	2. Chapter 2

The second the door closed, Ali was on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. This was the last thing she wanted to happen but deep down she knew it would rear its ugly head at some point, though she never imagined it would hurt this bad.

...

"Hey, hey, hey" Abby jogged Ashlyn down after she pushed past her in the hallway. She put a hand on her shoulder to slow her down only to have it swiped off. "What's going on? You okay?" Ashlyn just continued to walk away. She knew if she spoke the tears would start flowing and she had to make it to her room before it happened.... "What was that?" Abby asked a few of the other girls who had seen the interaction with Ashlyn.

"I guess you didn't see the interview" Tobin assumed.

"Ashlyn did an interview?" Abby clearly was out of the loop on this one.

"No, Ali did. They asked if she was 'dating anyone special' and she denied it. Pretty strongly." Alex chimed in. "That's entirely messed up." She looked around "I'm sorry, but it is". Most girls were already shaking their heads in agreement anyway. They all knew Ali could have dealt with it differently, at the very least.

...

Ashlyn slammed the door and threw herself on the bed. She couldn’t imagine a pain worse than what she was feeling right now and she knew it was going to last a very long time. _How could she do that?_ She buried her head in the comforter, reeling from the pain, and eventually drifted off to sleep.

Cheney came back to the room after her training and found Ashlyn asleep. She hadn’t seen her since they watched the interview, since she saw the hurt in her eyes, but she heard nothing since then and she was curious to know if she had spoken to Ali yet. She tip-toed around the room trying to pack quietly but Ashlyn woke up anyway and murmured an apology.

“Don’t apologize, Ash. Is everything okay?”

“No.”

“Did you talk to her?”

“Yea…” she paused before saying it out loud for the first time “we broke up”. Lauren rushed over and sat with Ashlyn as she tried to explain the story between sobs. She wrapped an arm around Ashlyn’s shoulder and kept her close. She knew the keeper was also the strong one of the group- never showing too much emotion and she was often a rock for everyone else. 

A couple hours later- it was time for the final team dinner before they all left for home the next day. Ashlyn knew she wasn’t ready to face anyone yet- especially Ali. She asked Lauren to cover for her if anyone asked (although the team mostly understood the staff might not) and she agreed. “You sure you don’t want to change your mind?” Lauren tried but she knew Ashlyn was set. She had every right to do what she wanted right now.

“Hey Chen” Ashlyn called before Lauren left the room. She walked around the corner to face Ashlyn. “As mad as I might be- I still don’t want anyone ganging up on her, okay?” And Lauren shook her head in agreement. She understood. 

…

“Is she okay?” Tobin asked when Lauren sat at the table. They all looked up for the answer.

“She’s so messed up about it right now but she’ll be fine” She looked around the room just in time to see Ali walk in. Pinoe walked with her but gave Lauren a knowing look. She was just being a good friend and she knew it was a tough situation. “She doesn’t want us taking sides though” she mentioned to the table.

“Are you serious? We’re all on her side!” Alex added in.

“I know, but she’s still looking out for Ali… for some reason.” Lauren said calmly, trying to make sure Ali didn’t hear from across the room.

“I just hope she doesn’t come over here. I don’t want to deal with her right now.” Kelley shook her head, disgusted at one friend and feeling for another.

“Kel” Tobin warned but Kelley just rolled her eyes. 

…

Ali and Pinoe grabbed a seat at an empty table, mostly because Ali wanted to talk to her about what happened but it was also what Pinoe was going to suggest based on the lack of eye contact from everyone in the room. Ali didn’t notice it because she was making sure to avoid eye contact with everyone anyway in fear they would see she had been crying for hours. “I was just scared. I was scared and I messed up.” She felt the tears coming back. “Pinoe… I love her.”

“I know you do. She knows you do. We all know you do. But you took a major step backward there.” She leveled with her. “How would you feel if you were in her position?”

“I know, I know.” She wiped the tears from her eyes and fought back the ones underneath. “I just need to talk to her. I’m trying to give her some time to calm down. Maybe tomorrow morning before our flight.”

“Are you guys sitting near each other?” Pinoe’s tone implied she was hoping the answer was ‘no’.

“Yea…” Ali cowered a little. “We always sit next to each other. We’re dating, remember?” Ali half joked.

“ _Were_ dating” Pinoe added hesitantly, almost as if it were a question. “You said she told you it was over” she pointed out.

“Megan…” Ali started.

“What? You’re the one who told me that.” She reasoned.

“I know but… she just needs some time. She’ll come around. You’ll see.” Ali tried to convince herself at the same time. _She’ll come around._

When Ali scanned the room earlier she noticed Ashlyn wasn’t there and now she was realizing she was the only person missing… and it worried her. _Where is she?_ She subtly looked around the room searching for Cheney and when she found her sitting with Tobin, Kelley, Alex, etc she decided to wait it out before asking how she was.

… 

Everyone was hanging around after dinner and Ali’s need to talk to Ashlyn had increased dramatically when she ignored all seven of her phone calls. Alex and Tobin switched tables to listen to a story Abby was telling and Ali figured this would be her best chance to talk to Cheney. Her and Kelley were walking out of the room, laughing about something when Ali caught Kelley’s eyes- her smile quickly faded. “Great” Kelley muttered under her breath.

“Hey Cheney” Ali said in a small voice- accepting her role as an outsider right now. Lauren was mad when she heard her speak but her anger diminished when she saw Ali’s face. The pain was evident in her eyes and she had clearly been crying for a while. She felt bad for Ali. She could see how much it had taken a toll on her too, even if it was her fault. “How is she?” Ali was able to manage without her voice cracking.

“How do you think?” Cheney remained stern. Ali looked down at the ground.

“I messed up. I didn’t mean to…” She trailed off.

“Ali just needs to talk to her. They need to work it out on their own.” Pinoe jumped in but Cheney shot her a glare.

“I don’t want to be in the middle of you guys” she remembered Ashlyn’s words. _No taking sides._

“Then just give me your room key instead” Ali pleaded.

“I’m not okay with that. She needs her space.” She shot Pinoe another glare, hoping she would convince Ali to wait it out, and motioned for her to check her phone but Pinoe didn’t get it.

“Well earlier, s _omeone-_ ” Ali turned her stare to Kelley “-thought it was okay to give Ash the key to my room so I think this makes it even, right?” Kelley just shook her head is disapproval and said nothing. She was not looking forward to rooming with Ali tonight. There was silence and Ali could tell Cheney wasn’t going to give in. 

“Thanks guys” Ali moved past them and started down the hall. Again, she wiped the tears from her eyes.

“Where are you going?” Cheney finally spoke.

“To talk to her!” Ali yelled without looking back.

“You can’t!” Cheney shouted back.

“She’s my girlfriend. You can’t tell me I can’t talk to her!” Ali was still walking away, refusing to turn around. Cheney started after her. 

“You can’t!” She repeated. Ali was getting further away and Cheney knew she had to tell her. She grit down on her teeth and took a deep breath before Ali could turn the corner. “She left!” Cheney didn’t want to do it but she had to- she told Ashlyn she wouldn’t tell anyone until the morning but that wasn’t going to happen. Ali stopped immediately, still with her back toward the girls who were now both looking at Cheney in confusion. “She left” she said again in a quieter voice “I’m sorry”. 

...


	3. Chapter 3

Ali stood there for a moment in disbelief.  _This is just a tactic to keep me from going up there._  She wanted to believe herself but it was difficult to have hope. There was only one way to find out if Cheney was lying or not. She ran. Part of her ran in hopes to prove Cheney wrong but the other part was running because she knew she was right. Cheney ran after her- through the lobby, up three flights of stairs and down the hall. They got to the room at the same time.  _Damn middie speed._ Ali was already banging on the door before her feet stopped moving.

“Ali” Cheney tried to get Ali to face her but she just kept slamming her fist on the door. “Ali, stop. She’s not here!”

“Our flight is tomorrow!” She argued back.

“Ali!” Cheney grabbed her arm and swore she was going to get punched. She had never seen Ali like this and the panic in her eyes was frightening. Tobin and Pinoe walked up behind them cautiously. “She’s not there” Cheney repeated in a much softer tone. She could tell Ali was still not convinced so she swiped the room key and let her in… “She changed her flight. It left twenty minutes ago”.

Tobin and Pinoe walked up behind them cautiously. They were still confused about it all. She could already tell Ashlyn was gone before she rounded the corner- she could feel the emptiness. It wasn’t 100% confirmed in her mind until she saw the bed was made and her suitcase was gone. She crumbled to the floor again. Pinoe ran to her side to prevent her from getting hurt but Ali didn’t care. Nothing could hurt more than what she felt in her heart right now.

…

They all sat with her on the floor and listened to her pour her heart out. She knew she messed up but she wasn’t prepared for the question. They all could tell she was sorry, that she would go back and answer differently if she could, but they knew the damage was done. Ashlyn had every right to be upset but they felt for Ali too and it was hard to be between the both of them.

...

Ali calmed down after a while, finally speaking coherently, and she stood to go to her room. “I should pack” she sniffled. Pinoe offered to keep her company but she told them she needed some time to herself. Ali needed to think of a plan for when she landed the next night. Ashlyn couldn’t avoid her forever. They lived together. Ali, Ashlyn, and Lori.  _Oh the lecture she was going to get from Lori._  Ali tried to push that out of her mind for now.

She left Ashlyn another voicemail pleading for her to call her back. Telling her how sorry she was and how much she loves her.  _I will fix this._  And she really believed she could.

…

Ashlyn texted Lori before her flight to see if she could pick her up. She told her she had to change flights and would explain when she got there. Lori had already heard a bit of the story before she landed and knew how much it hurt Ashlyn. She was hesitant to push Ashlyn to talk so she asked the usual haven’t-seen-you-in-a-week questions before jumping into it. “So… want to talk about it?” She kept her eyes on the road but she heard Ashlyn sigh.

“Pinoe told you?” she figured anyway.

“She mentioned it and said to keep an eye on you.” Lori chose not to mention how she watched the interview on YouTube after talking to Pinoe.

“I’m okay…” the look on her face said otherwise “but I broke up with her. I can’t be the only one in this.” She looked down to the ground. “I might have overreacted when I changed my flight but I couldn’t face her. I couldn’t face anyone.”

“I don’t think you overreacted at all. The girl needs a reality check. What she did was entirely embarrassing  and unfair to you and even I’m offended.” Lori felt Ashlyn’s pain and there was no acceptable excuse for Ali’s reaction during the interview. “But…” Ashlyn knew that was coming “…you should at least let her know you got home safe”. She didn’t have to look at Ashlyn to know she was shaking her head ‘no’.

“I don’t owe her anything” she only half meant it. Just then her phone rang. Ali again. She ignored it and shoved it in her pocket. Lori’s phone rang and before Ashlyn could grab it to ignore the call, Lori had it up to her ear.

“Hi Ali” she said plainly. “Yea, she’s here... Umm…” Ali must have asked if she could talk to her. Lori looked to Ashlyn but she mouthed the word ‘no’ and shook her head right to left. “…I’m sorry, Ali. No. She’s not ready to talk to you.” Lori hung up the phone. As mad as she was about the situation, Ali was still her friend and it pained her to know she was feeling so awful about her mistake. “Ash…"

“Yea?”

“That’s the first and last time I’m getting in the middle of this” she made sure to cover her bases.

“Thank you” Ashlyn was sincere. She didn’t want to make this anyone else’s issue either.

...

Ali heard the line click and felt her eyes begin to tear again, her lip quivered. She almost called Lori back but she knew she wouldn’t be able to refrain from sobbing and no one would be able to understand a word she was saying. She stopped herself from throwing her phone across the room. She walked back to the dresser and grabbed more of her clothes to pack. She didn’t fold anything- just stuffed it in and pushed it down. She couldn’t bring herself to care about any of it.

After the dresser was done she grabbed the few clothes on the bed, things she wore to sleep the night before, and started packing them also. She froze before she added the last item- a soft, black hoodie with white drawstrings. Ashlyn’s hoodie- she pulled it over Ali’s head the night before because she was cold. She pressed her palm to the fabric and felt emptiness in her heart. She couldn’t hold back anymore and clutched the hoodie to her chest, sobbing Ashlyn’s name between breaths.  _What have I done?_

...

Ali’s flight landed the next night on time but she told Lori she didn’t need a ride home. She lied. She wasn’t ready for a lecture and this was the only way out of it… for now. She was terrified to walk into that apartment, into the room her and Ashlyn shared, and she still wasn’t sure how to handle this whole thing. But most of all- she was scared to see Ashlyn, to see that pain in her eyes again.

The cab dropped her off out front and she stayed out there for a few minutes before heading inside. She made sure she closed the door loud enough to announce she was home. She listened for signs if anyone was home but there were none. Down the hall and into the living room she walked but it was empty. So was the kitchen and dining room. She had almost accepted the fact that no one was home when she spotted Ashlyn’s keys on the counter. Right where she always puts them when she comes home.

Ali wasn’t sure if she was more relieved or worried that Ashlyn was there. Seeing the keys gave her a little hope.  _At least she can’t avoid me now. We can talk._ She figured Ashlyn was in their room- the door was shut when it was usually open. She knocked but there was no response. She tried again but nothing. She opened the door and turned on the light. No one was in there.

Her jaw almost dropped as she looked around the room. When the three of them moved in- they chose a three bedroom apartment but her and Ashlyn always shared this room- even though they  _technically_ had their own rooms. The bed was made, the room was spotless, and- Ali felt a pang in her chest- Ashlyn’s nightstand was cleared off. Her stuff was gone- all of it- gone.

At first Ali panicked.  _Did she move out? Is that why her keys are here? Does she hate me? She hates me. I ruined the best thing I ever had._ A million thoughts ran through her mind before she calmed herself down. She heard a noise from the room next door. Ashlyn’s room. They purposely put a room between them and Lori- for Lori’s sake.

Ali debated whether or not to go down the hall.  _What am I thinking? Of course I have to._ She walked slowly, hoping Ashlyn would walk out before she could even get there. She stood in front of the door for a minute. She even backed out from knocking twice before she finally did it. She half didn’t expect a response so when she heard a faint “yea?” she was surprised.

She walked in the room and closed the door behind her. The first thing she noticed as she turned around was Ashlyn’s stuff arranged on her own nightstand- clearly declaring this as her room again- and Ali’s heart continued to sink. She continued her motion into the room and laid eyes on Ashlyn, folding clothes on the bed in just her jeans and a sports bra, not looking up at Ali.  _Even in that she looks hot._

Ali took a step closer. “Hey.” she said it almost as if it were a question. She tried to smile.

Ashlyn waited a second before looking up- she kept folding even when she did. Her eyes met Ali’s and she responded with a half-hearted “hi” before refocusing her attention on her task.  _I think that’s the first time I looked at her without smiling._ Normally, the sight of Ali was enough to make Ashlyn blush with a smile but not today.

Ali noticed it too. Normally Ashlyn would look at her like she was the only person in the world and right now she felt like no one.  _It was like she looked right through me._  She moved closer. “I called you like fifty times…” she didn’t look up “Ash, I’m so sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am.” She started crying again. “I know I messed up and I want to fix this.” She took another step closer. “Just let me explain. Please?” But Ashlyn didn’t answer. Ali walked up to her and softly grabbed her wrist, stopping her from folding. “Ashlyn…”

“What?” She finally responded through gritted teeth.

“Can we talk?” Ali tried to look her in the eyes but she wasn’t having it. When she was mad, Ashlyn was the most stubborn person in the world.

“I already said what I have to say yesterday” She pulled her wrist from Ali’s grip and leaned over to place her newly folded jeans on the pile. She felt Ali’s hand softly on her back and it made her angry.  _She doesn’t have the right to touch me anymore._  Ashlyn leaned further, purposely out of Ali’s reach and grabbed a t-shirt. Pulling it over her head she heard Ali sniffle and almost felt bad for pulling away from her like that. Almost.

“Ash, if I could go back in time and fix this- I would. But I can’t. It’s not possible. I wasn’t expecting that- I was completely blind-sided and I reacted horribly. I get it. And I’ve regretted it and cried about it every hour since then.” She coaxed Ashlyn to sit down on the bed with her but even though she listened- she still showed no sign of caring. “I love you, Ashlyn. I. Love. You.”

“You… Smacked me. In the face” Ashlyn mimicked Ali’s tone.

“You said some really hurtful things!”

“You deserved them!” They were getting heated again.

“So you hurt my feelings on purpose?! What kind of a fucked up thing is that to do?”

“You broke my heart, Ali!” Ashlyn forcefully stood up and Ali gasped at the statement. She tried to breathe in between sobs but those words from Ashlyn obliterated her. She never meant to hurt her. “You broke my heart. Do you even remember what you said, Ali? When they interviewed you, do you remember what you said?"

“Of course I do…” She thought back.  _At least I think I remember. Something about not dating anyone. It was a lie but they lied about a bunch of times- it was no one else's business._

“So you remember and you still think I should be okay with that?”

“No, I’m not saying you should be okay with it. I’m saying let me explain.” Maybe I missed something.  _What did I say exactly?_

“Listen, I need my space but we can get through this…” when Ashlyn said that, Ali felt a glimmer of hope in her empty heart “…but I need space before we can be friends again.” And her hope fell to the ground.

“…Friends?” She looked up at Ashlyn who was still stone-faced. Ashlyn finally looked back. The pain in Ali’s tear-drenched eyes was enough to kill her but she stayed strong and fought it out.

“Friends. You made your decision when you lied to me.” It even hurt Ashlyn to say it. “I think you should leave my room”. She bit her lip to stop it from quivering. She had to be strong.

Ali was too heartbroken to respond. Ashlyn wouldn’t be able to understand her through the whimpers anyway. She just crumbled on the bed and cried. Ashlyn couldn’t take it. She knew if she stayed any longer she would cave. She would wrap her arms around Ali and tell her they were okay. But they aren’t. She didn’t let herself dwell on it any longer. She walked out of the room, grabbed her keys, and left the apartment- the sound of Ali crying seared itself into her mind. How was it possible to feel sympathy for someone you despise so much right now?

...

Ash pulled into the driveway a couple hours later. Making her way up to the door- she was nervous to go back into the apartment. She pushed the nerves to the side. She was adamant in her decision here. She had a couple of drinks with some friends but made sure to monitor it. She didn’t want to possibly make a bad decision- either at the bar or when she got back home. She called it an early night. 

She walked into the apartment and the lights were all out- all but the ones in her and Ali’s room. No. She reminded herself. Ali’s room. It’s not our room anymore. She tossed her keys to their normal spot on the counter and headed for her room. When she turned the lights on she was surprised to find Ali still on the bed, exactly how she left her. _Oh Ali, don’t do this to me._

She could feel Ali’s sadness just by looking at her- sleeping in a heap on her bed. She thought about crawling into bed and pulling Ali close to her- cuddling her one more time. But she shook the idea from her head- if she did that- she would never be able to stop. Waking Ali up wasn’t an option either. Ashlyn couldn’t bear to disturb her- she looked so perfect even when she was asleep. She settled for sleeping on the couch and grabbed one of her pillows to bring with her. Before she left the room, she pulled a blanket over Ali and heard her let out a sigh. It damn near broke Ashlyn’s heart all over again.

…

Ali awoke in the early morning with a headache, mostly from crying. It took her a moment to realize where she was and when she did she was flooded with heartache all over again. She shifted a little and noticed there was a blanket on her that wasn’t there when she fell asleep. She came back. But when she shifted to move closer to Ashlyn’s side of the bed the sheets were cold.

She walked out of the room and hoped Ashlyn was the one making noise in the kitchen. Nope. There she was face-to-face with Lori who was excited to see her. She gave Ali a hug. “You okay, kiddo?” Lori asked tentatively but she could tell what the answer was just by Ali’s defeated look. “It’s going to be okay. She’ll ease up eventually”. But even Lori didn’t believe it when she said it.

“Where is she?” Ali asked quietly.

“She went running.“ Lori grabbed two coffee cups and filled them fresh from the pot.

“She hates running. She thinks its boring.” Ali raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

“I know. I said the same thing.” Lori shrugged and pushed the mug toward Ali. “Do you want to talk about it?” Ali looked down at the black liquid and slightly shook her head. “Maybe later?” Ali nodded in agreement and they left it at that.

...

Ashlyn came in from her run and the two were still sitting in the kitchen- talking over coffee. They both looked over at her but she just nodded in acknowledgement and went straight to her room. Ali’s attempt at a smile quickly drained from her face. “Just give it some time, Ali” Lori tried again. “She loves you”.

 _Loved me._ Ali couldn’t help but think it was lost.

...

Ali showered and unpacked from the camp. She was still a little sore from the last training and it was just a constant reminder of the final day in California. She heard Ashlyn and Lori leave a short while ago and figured now was a good time to pull up the interview and rehash her chosen words.

The beginning of the interview was good- she could see her own confidence and she came across very smoothly. Ashlyn had prepped her beforehand… “talk slower- you always talk too fast when you’re nervous- and its cute… it’s really cute- but not good for interviews” and “you’ll do great- just be yourself and don’t worry”. She was always so supportive of everything Ali did.

The interview continued to play on Ali’s laptop and she knew the question was coming next… “So, Ali, are you dating anyone these days?” the man asked. _Here it comes..._  

“Uhh, well… no, umm… I’m not dating anyone…” she cringed when she heard herself lying but otherwise she did okay. She lied but she didn’t say anything bad. _Why is she so offended?_ “There's no one special right now” she rambled on the screen. _Oh, that’s bad. Why did I keep talking?_

“So you’re still searching for the right person?” the interviewer laughed a little.

“Yep, haven't found 'em yet” she continued. Ali’s jaw dropped as she heard herself through the speaker. _Are you serious? Why would I say that? No wonder she hates me. Even I hate me right now._ She slammed the computer shut without watching the rest and buried herself in the covers of her bed. She could still smell Ashlyn’s scent from the last night they slept in it together, the night before they left for NT camp, when things were still perfect.

...


	4. Chapter 4

Ali forced herself out of bed a few hours later- not like she slept anyway. She couldn’t let herself waste the whole day. She decided to make dinner for the three of them. She knew Lori would never turn down a free meal and if Ashlyn tried to back out, Lori would convince her to stay. She was always a good buffer. 

Ali knew this had to be the beginning of the best apology ever. She would have to work to win back Ashlyn’s trust and she was more than willing to give it her all- she would beg on her hands and knees if it came down to it. She texted Lori to find out what time she would be home. “Probably around 7. I think?” Lori responded and Ali smiled. Perfect. _Just the right amount of time to make Mexican lasagna._ Ashlyn’s favorite. 

… 

She heard the door open around 7:20 and felt the nerves rush back. _Compose yourself. You’re wearing the shirt she always says you look “hot” in. Your make-up is done perfectly. And you made her favorite food. You will be fine._ She refused to face them when they first walked in so she turned to the counter and fiddled around with some things. “Wow, something smells good!” Lori exclaimed as she walked into the room. Ali took a deep breath, she had to, and turned around. Her stomach dropped when she noticed it was only Lori. _Where is she?_  

“H- hey, Lor." The disappointment was evident on her face but Lori didn’t want to be in the middle of this, so she pretended she didn’t notice. Ali tried to cover it up “I um… made dinner and there’s plenty to share. Do you want some?” 

“Sure. Do you want me to set the table?” Lori yelled from the hall as she tossed her stuff in her room. 

“No, it’s already set!” Ali realized she set it for three and ran to remove the third place setting before Lori came back. She managed to compose herself for the course of the dinner. It was obvious both of them were avoiding mentioning Ashlyn’s name. Finally, Ali had enough (and a couple glasses of wine helped). “Where’s Ash?” 

Lori knew it was coming eventually. “Not sure”. 

“Well you two left together so…” 

“We hung out earlier but then we both had other things to do”. 

“Okay…” Ali was getting a little annoyed at the lack of information. “Did she say where she was going?” 

“I’m not her babysitter, Ali.” Lori snapped a little and Ali quickly looked down at the table. A little unnerved and startled. “…I’m sorry.” Lori composed herself. “I just… I don’t want to be in the middle of this.” She confessed. 

“Yea, neither do I.” Ali responded in almost a whisper. 

Lori contemplated answering her but instead she kept her mouth shut. _If Ali doesn’t know what she wants to do by now…_ She decided to change the subject instead. 

“There’s a real cool documentary on tonight about the Bermuda triangle. Want to watch with me?” Lori piped up and changed the tone. Ali knew there was a good chance Ash would want to see it too when she got home. And, in Ali’s mind, maybe Lori would go to sleep early and she and Ash would be left alone. And maybe she could talk to her. Hug her. Kiss her. Anything to get Ashlyn to forgive her. 

“Yea, I’ll watch." She finished the last sip of her wine. 

… 

“That was good” Ali was lying. “What’s next?” She wasn’t ready to go to sleep. Ash still wasn’t home. She didn’t even watch the documentary- she just let a hundred scenarios run through her mind about where Ashlyn could be and what she could be doing. It was killing her. She had to be there when Ashlyn came home- common space- Ashlyn could not avoid her there. 

“I’m actually going to go to sleep” Lori answered. She knew Ali was killing time. She felt bad for her but she had to do this part on her own. Lori’s phone buzzed in her pocket and she picked it up. “Hey…” she turned her head from Ali. “Okay, cool. Later.” She hung up and hesitated before turning back around. 

“Was that her?” 

“Ali…“ 

“Is she on her way home?” 

“I told you I’m not getting in the middle of this” Lori felt bad saying it but she didn’t have the heart to tell Ali the answer. She was not used to seeing Ali vulnerable or upset and it broke her heart a little. Lori started to walk out of the room. _This sucks._ She bit her lip and closed her eyes before turning around and facing Ali. “If you want her back…” Ali looked up quickly “…you’re going to have to do more than dress nice and make her dinner, Kriegs…”. 

Deep down, Ali knew that was true all along. She shook her head up and down slowly. Lori continued… 

“You stomped out every ounce of trust she had in you when you said those things. Not only did you deny your relationship but you said she was ‘no one special’. You said she was not the ‘right one’…” 

“But I didn’t mean that!” she was on the verge of crying again. And yelling. “I didn’t even know what I was saying until it was too late! I didn’t mean those things- you have to believe me!” 

“Believe you? Of course I believe you” Lori’s response surprised her. She thought she would have to fight harder. “I see the way you look at her and anytime you’re not listening to me I just have to mention her name your ears perk up. I know you would literally do anything for her. But I’m not the one who needs convincing… You’re the only one who can fix this. So you have to ask yourself… is she worth it?” 

“Yes!” Ali answered immediately even though Lori meant it to be a rhetorical question and Lori was caught off-guard by her quick response time. 

“The ball’s in your court, kid” she walked to her room. _So much for not getting in the middle._  

Ali waited to hear her door close before she called Ashlyn. As expected, it went to voicemail pretty quickly. “Ash…” her voice was shaky and she felt buzzed. “I’m so sorry- I can’t say it enough. I didn’t mean anything I said in that interview. Please come home. I love you.” She put the phone down on the coffee table and fell asleep on the couch. 

… 

She woke up a while later and checked her phone. No calls, no texts, and the time showed 2:19 am. She looked to the counter. No keys, no Ashlyn. Her anxiety picked back up. She was aprehensive to move from the couch, like she was stuck there. Eventually she coaxed herself to get up and go to her room. Curling in a ball on her bed, she drifted back to sleep, slowly losing her faith in getting Ashlyn back. 

… 

Around 3 am Ali woke to the sound of the front door. She was a light sleeper and soon she heard keys crash on the counter. Ashlyn. She was relieved she was home but terrified at the same time. Terrified of one thing... She listened closely, hoping to only hear one set of foot-steps...


	5. Chapter 5

Ali swore she would die if she had to listen to Ashlyn with someone else in the next room, be it talking or otherwise. She was terrified to listen but she couldn't help it. She held her breath and refused to move- the anxiety running though her body wouldn't let her move anyway. Nothing- she heard nothing now, not even Ashlyn.

... 

Ashlyn knew better than to bring someone back with her- though she did have the option. She even thought about doing it- just to prove a point. A drunken point. The mixture of anger, embarrasment, and alcohol were not a good combination for her and if it were any other girl she probably would have done it. But not Ali- she could never intentionally hurt Ali- even if she did just tear her heart apart. 

She walked past Ali's room, _their_ old room, and paused. She thought about going in there- it was instinct, she naturally gravitated to Ali, but knew she shouldn't. They no longer belonged to each other. The alcohol was telling her otherwise though and she took a couple steps back toward Ali's door. It was quiet in there- as it should be for 3am. She lifted her hand to knock. _NO, ASHLYN! You can't do this to yourself!_   She figured if she felt the same urge in the morning she could see Ali then instead, with a clear head, and a lot less alcohol. 

She hesitated a second longer but eventually convinced herself to turn away. Down the hall she walked, quickly, not allowing herself to have second thoughts. 

... 

Ali was still laying there- she thought she heard breathing at the door but when she listened closer there was nothing. She stared at her ceiling from the bed and waited for a sound- a cough, a creak, anything. 

 _Maybe I should go out there._ Ali sat up and her head reminded her of the wine she drank. Just then she heard footsteps walking down the hall, away from her room, and she wished she had gotten up sooner. Maybe there would have been a chance. 

She didn't dare move, in fear of missing a clue as to whether or not Ashlyn was alone. She heard nothing again. That could be good or bad though. Either she was alone or she was... busy. 

... 

Ashlyn kicked off her shoes in anger and sprawled out on her stomach across the bed. It felt big... lonely, cold. 

She cringed when she thought of the fact they had practice in two days. She wasn't ready to work with Ali- to be face-to-face with her. She didn't think she could do it. 

She rolled over and sighed a deep, heavy sigh. Her heart hurt so much she didn't think she could ever feel good again. She curled up in a ball and cried herself to sleep. _I'm losing my love..._  

... 

After a long while of silence, Ali hoped Ashlyn was asleep. She wished she could go in there and lay next to her, rest her head under her chin, and feel her heartbeat slow as she drifted to sleep. Those things were not for her anymore. That heart was not beating for Ali anymore. She wrapped herself in a blanket before sobbing into the pillow she held to her chest. The pillow was meant to fill the void in her bed and in her heart but all it did was serve as a place for her to rest her head and cry. 

... 

Ashlyn awoke with a headache and groaned. Thankful she didn't have training today- she still had time. She thought back on the night- _how did I get home? Oh, that girl drove me home._ She grinned a little. _What did I do when I got home?_ She tried to remember but her mind was still blurry. _I almost went into Ali's room! I'm such an idiot. Glad I talked myself out of that- I'd be regretting it right about now._ She convinced herself she did the right thing. If Ali could deny their love, their whole relationship, she knew she couldn't get involved with that. 

Training would resume soon and her and Ali would have to work together daily. She needed to get on good terms, and make sure they were able to function on that field without killing each other. It became her plan for the next couple days- become friends with Ali- starting today. The thought of it tore right through her.  _I don't know how to just be friends with her- it's always been more. Always._ She told herself she could do it. She could force it. 

... 

It had only been a few days since Ali's interview but it felt like months since they spoke. When Ali woke up she immediately curled in a ball at the realization of the night before. She still wasn't 100% sure if Ashlyn was alone or not. She could tell there was someone in the kitchen and then she heard the clanging of keys and closing of the apartment door. She jumped up out of bed and peered through the window- hoping to see Ashlyn walking to her car, alone. No such luck. It was Lori going for a run. _Damn._  

Ali knew if she had any chance to use the kitchen before Ashlyn got up she had to do it now. She couldn't bare the thought of being face-to-face with another girl. Someone who had what she wanted. Someone who had Ashlyn the night before. She just couldn't. She rolled out of bed and was surprised by how much her head was throbbing. _Oh, right. The wine._ She mentally kicked herself. The plan was to make eggs and coffee before Ashlyn woke up and then to close herself in her room for the rest of the morning. 

She scurried out and got to work, making only the coffee before she heard Ashlyn's door open. _Oh no. Please no._ She hoped it was Ashlyn coming out and not another girl. She opened the fridge- pretended to look for something so she wouldn't have to face whoever was standing behind her. She fought back tears as she shifted items on the shelf. 

"Hi" Ashlyn grumbled and Ali felt a wave of relief wash over her. This is a good sign. It didn't seem like there was anyone else. And the fact Ashlyn spoke to her, even if it was only one word, had to be a good sign too. Right? She closed the fridge and turned around tentatively. 

"Hey" she said quietly. She felt so small. Ashlyn was pulling a hoodie over her plain white t-shirt. Her gym shorts hit just above the knee and she was barefoot. _God. She looks good even now. I look like shit. Great._ Ali tried to at least fix her hair.

... 

 _She's so hot. So... hot. Fuck. I look like I got hit by a truck_. Ashlyn shook the thoughts from her head and walked over to the sink for a glass of water. 

"I made coffee... if you want some." Ali offered. Nervous to even speak to Ashlyn. 

"I'm good, thanks." She chugged half of the glass. "Ali, we should talk _." This is going to suck, based on her reaction to just being friends_. 

"Okay." Ali almost sounded chipper. Ashlyn didn't want her to get the wrong idea. 

"About trying to be friends again... for the sake of the team." It killed her to watch the life drain from Ali's face. 

"Ash..." but Ashlyn dropped her head. She couldn't stand to see the hurt in Ali's eyes right now. "Ash, it doesn't have to be like this. I'm in love with you. I will do anything to make that up to you." 

"You shouldn't have to make it up, Ali." She was right. Ali should have done it right the first time. "That's the whole thing." Her voice was low- uncertain. 

"I'm in love with you." Ali repeated herself. "I didn't mean what I said in that interview." Ashlyn knew that but she couldn't go on living a lie and being lied to. Ali wiped the tears from her cheeks and pressed on... "You _are_ special to me. I would not be where I am today- without you." Ali's eyes filled with tears. "You are the love of my life, Ashlyn Harris." 

Ashlyn knew that was true too but it wasn't the point. "Ali..." Ashlyn warned her as she grabbed Ashlyn's hand. 

"I will do anything. Anything, Ashlyn." She was kneeling in front of her sobbing, begging. "Just tell me how I can fix this. I can't lose you. I can't just be friends with you. I don't know how." It still pissed Ashlyn off- all the I's Ali was using. It was still all about Ali. 

"We're both going to need to learn how." Ashlyn said plainly. Pretending a crying Ali wasn't absolutely breaking her heart. 

"I can't... I-I-I can't, Ash!" Her sobs were getting worse. It was almost impossible to understand her. But Ashlyn did- that's how connected they were. 

"I can't either but we have to-" 

"No! ...No! Because... you know why we both can't just be friends?" She was yelling up to Ashlyn now. "Because we are _meant_ to be more. We are _meant_ for each other. Y-you can't deny that!" Ali was full on hysterical now. She let go of Ashlyn's hand and crumbled on the floor. Ashlyn couldn't let her cry alone. She still loved her- she couldn't just watch. She hopped out of the chair and down to the ground, gathering Ali in her arms and pulling her onto her lap. Her skin was burning against Ashlyn. She could feel the heat emanating on her neck and she almost felt sorry for Ali. 

... 

Ashlyn held her for a few minutes while Ali completely broke apart. Being this close but not having any claim to Ashlyn was driving her insane. "I love you." She whimpered into Ashlyn's neck when she was finally able to speak again 

"Shhh. I know." Ashlyn was rubbing Ali's back, keeping her close on her lap, Ali's legs around her waist. Ali sniffled and Ashlyn felt her tremble. "Shhh. It's okay." 

"But I want to be with you." It came out between sobs as almost a whine. Ali didn't dare move. She was terrified of losing contact with Ashlyn. She needed to be near her- this false sense of closeness was all they had left. Ashlyn needed the opposite. She needed to remove herself from Ali before she gave in. She swore to herself she would be strong. 

She waited until the sobs died down. "Come on" she nudged Ali back and tried her best not to meet her eyes. It was impossible though and when they aligned both girls paused. _Don't do it, Ashlyn._ She warned herself. _You'll regret it. This isn't fair to you._

Ali's cries calmed and she was frozen staring into Ashlyn's eyes. _Kiss me. Make this pain go away and kiss me._ Ali was desperate. She had never felt this before- pure desperation, like she would die without Ashlyn. She knew Ashlyn felt it too. But no one moved. No one advanced. And Ali's heart sank even lower. 

Ashlyn couldn't move. She didn't want to be so close but couldn't stand to be any further from Ali. She looked to the floor to break their gaze. 

Ali let instinct take over. She slid closer on Ashlyn's lap, causing her to look back up. Ali used all the confidence she had and dropped her eyes to Ashlyn's lips for a second before looking back into her eyes. Ashlyn could feel her own heart beating faster as Ali leaned in, slowly, cautiously... expecting to be held off. But Ashlyn didn't have the will power to stop her before their lips met. 

Ali kissed her softly and slowly, testing the waters. After a few lingering seconds she pulled back a bit. Ashlyn didn't come with her so she leaned back in. "Ali." She felt Ashlyn's hand on her shoulder, holding her in place, not allowing her any closer. 

She exhaled in question form without opening her eyes. "Huh?" 

"No, Ali." Ashlyn's voice was stern, unforgiving. She pushed her back a little further. "You can't do this to me." She whispered. She moved Ali off her lap completely and got up. "This isn't fair to either of us." Ashlyn shook her head and left the room- hiding the tears in her eyes. This time leaving Ali to cry in a heap on the floor... alone.

...


	6. Chapter 6

Ali managed to pick herself up a few minutes later and drag herself to her room. She curled on the bed again and clutched a pillow to her chest. The tightness of her heart was unbearable- she could hardly breathe. She had never cried so hard in her life and it felt like she was having a heart attack. She tired to muffle her sobs but there was no use- and Ashlyn made it pretty clear she would not be soothing them. 

She heard keys jingling and the front door closing. A few seconds later she heard the Jeep start up and reverse out of the driveway before driving away down the street. If she thought the pain in her heart a minute ago was unbearable then this was sure to kill her. 

... 

Lori came home a few hours later and knocked on Ali's door to see if she wanted to grab lunch. The second Ali tried to speak she was crying. All Lori could do was hug her and rock her in her arms. Ali was shaking and almost slurring her words and Lori was worried. She had never seen anyone that upset- let alone Ali. 

"I'm sorry. I'm s-sorry." She repeated over and over again and Lori told her it was okay, though she was pretty sure Ali wasn't apologizing to her. 

... 

Ashlyn didn't come home that night. Or the next. 

... 

Training day was finally there. Ali played like shit. She felt like shit. She had been crying for days straight. They kept it professional on the field but everyone could tell something was off with Ali. It didn't help that Ash was yelling for her to mark her player. The sound of her voice alone was distracting enough. 

Ashlyn on the other hand was 100% focused. She always played best in high-stress situations and boy was she stressed now. She was on fire in the net and everyone was patting her on the back and telling her what a great job she was doing. 

It was the last play of practice and Ali was exhausted. It was all truly taking a toll on her. Ashlyn yelled for her to mark-up but the forward got past her again, one-on-one with Ash and took a shot at the goal. Ashlyn tipped it over the cross-bar, just barely, and saved the shot. Falling to the ground a little harder than intended. Ali felt bad, really bad. She stared at Ashlyn- hoping she would get up. She didn't. Ali moved to run to her but before she got anywhere, Ashlyn stretched out her arm and pushed herself up. 

Ali was hit with a wave of relief. Ashlyn turned and walked toward her. "Get your shit together, Krieger." She said and pushed past her. Ali watched in disbelief. Ashlyn never talked to her that way- no matter how mad she was- she was always civil. If Ali was fucking up- she would encourage her to get her head back in the game. Always positive- never negative. Ali clenched her teeth as she walked past her- trying to fight back the ever present tears as of late. 

Ashlyn knew it was wrong but she was mad and spoke before thinking. Ali hadn't listened to her all practice and she couldn't let it go. If this habit made it to game day- they were screwed. 

Ali took a deep breath and jogged past Ashlyn, grabbed her stuff, and ran into the locker room for a shower. She wanted to get in there before she broke down in front of everyone. 

She cried it out in the shower until there was nothing left. Maybe she took a little too long but no one said anything. The locker room was emptying out when she started getting changed. 

"Kriegs, I'll meet you outside!" Lori shouted on her way out the door and Ali picked up the pace a little. She was moving in slow motion lately. She walked out of the building and noticed Lori was sitting in her car alone. She turned to go back in to find Ash but caught one of the girls instead. 

"Was Ash still in the locker room?" She asked. She was embarrased to be asking someone else where her girl was. 

Chantal was hesitant to answer. She wasn't sure what was going on with them and she didn't want to get involved. But Ali's eyes were so kind that she answered anyway. "...Kika gave her a ride home. They left like five minutes ago." Chantal saw it all in Ali's eyes and didn't want to push any further. "See you at practice tomorrow, Kriegs." She feigned a smile and swiftly walked away. Ali stood there. Alone again. 

Ashlyn and Ali always waited for each other after practice. Even if they took separate cars- they always waited for each other outside or in the locker room. Ali didn't think it would go this far. She didn't think _everything_ would change. But everything was changing. Ashlyn was yelling at her during practice. She was leaving her behind. She wasn't coming home at night... It all hit Ali at once- _I really am losing her. It's really over. It's over._  

Lori could see it in Ali's face- she was going to break apart again. She didn't wait for Ali to walk over- that wasn't going to happen. Lori drove up to the curb and got out to grab Ali's things and help her to the car before she lost it completely. 

... 

Ali slept the rest of the day. She didn't eat dinner. She didn't move from her bed. 

... 

"Do you plan on coming home tonight?" Lori asked Ashlyn with annoyance. It had been a couple days since she yelled at Ali and the situation was only getting more tense. Ali wasn't playing well. Ashlyn felt bad about the other day so instead of directing her on the field, she let her be, which essentially only made Ali feel worse. 

"Don't make it seem like I'm never home, Lor." Ashlyn huffed and sat down on Kika's couch. 

"You've slept here maybe twice this week." Lori pushed the subject. 

"I need time." Ashlyn's go-to response lately. 

"Ashlyn, she's a mess. She hardly eats. All she does is sleep.. and cry. She cries all the time." Ashlyn flinched when she heard the last part. She didn't want to make her cry, really she didn't, but she spent their whole relationship putting Ali's feelings before her own and she couldn't do it anymore 

"She made her decision when she lied to me. It's her own fault." Ashlyn knew she shouldn't have said that. She didn't really mean it but she bit her tongue to stop herself from taking it back. 

"You know what..." Lori couldn't stop herself. "I sympathized with you through the whole thing. And yes, you're right- Ali was the one who messed up- but people mess up sometimes. This girl loves you more than anything and she's falling apart and you're just letting it happen!" Ashlyn heard the phone click. Not only did Lori just yell at her. She hung up on her. Ashlyn sat there in silence. Of course she didn't want Ali to "fall apart" but she couldn't sacrifice anything more for her if she wasn't getting something back. 

She called Pinoe... 

"Ash, Lori's probably just stressed from being in the middle. You have to react off your own feelings- not someone else's. if you go over there only wanting to help because Lori guilted you into it- it will only come back worse in the long run. I'll support you 100% whatever you decide to do but Ali is my friend too. I know you both love each other. I just hope you can find common ground to make it work." 

Ash felt better after talking to Pinoe but still guilty over making Ali cry.

 ... 

"Can I talk to you?" Ashlyn stopped Ali on her way out of the locker room the next day. She had time to collect her thoughts but it also gave her time to notice the serious changes in Ali. She hadn't seen her smile in over a week, not at anyone. She looked skinnier. 

"Sure." Ali said, apathy present in her voice. She was nervous and not ready to be yelled at again. 

"I'll be out in a minute." Ashlyn let her know and Ali walked to wait for her outside. 

When Ashlyn came out, Ali was already prepared with her apology. "I'm really sorry. I know I've been playing like shit. I promise I'll work on it. I don't want to let you dow-" 

She was interrupted by Ashlyn pulling her into a hug. "You're not letting me down. I'm sorry I let you think that. And I'm sorry I yelled at you." Ali started crying in her arms. It had nothing to do with Ashlyn yelling at her and they both knew it. Ali realized she was hugging a little too tight and started to let go but Ashlyn held her tighter for just a second more before letting go. She turned so Ali couldn't see the tears threatening to spill from her eyes. "Come on, I'll drive you home. 

... 

Ali was surprised when Ashlyn parked in the driveway and walked in the house behind her. _Does this mean she's coming back?_  

Lori was in the living room when Ash walked in. She was just about to apologize for hanging up on her when she saw Ali walk in after her. Ashlyn tossed her keys on the counter and threw her kit bag in her room. Ali resided to her own room for a moment. 

When Ashlyn came back out Lori gave her an inquisitive look and then pointed to Ali's room. Ashlyn wanted to set it straight. "Friends, Lori. We're just friends." She said quietly and Ali wished she hadn't heard it.

...

 


	7. Chapter 7

Being friends was hard. They both knew it would be. It had only been two days since Ashlyn drove her home and the friend-label hurt almost as bad as what Ali felt before. Ashlyn was distant. She never let it be just the two of them. The temptation was too strong.

But Ali's game was near normal and she was at least eating her meals- mostly because it meant spending time with Ashlyn. "I made your favorite." Ashlyn feigned a smile and put a plate of pesto chicken pasta in front of Ali. She immediately regretted it when she saw the glint in Ali's eye- she didn't want to give Ali the wrong impression. "Since tomorrow is your birthday." Ali realized it was only made for a special occasion.

"Thanks." She tried to sound appreciative.

"What are you doing for the big day?" It came out blank.

Ali thought back on the conversation she had with her dad earlier. _"Why don't I take you and Ash to dinner for your birthday? Like last year."_   She couldn't tell her dad they broke up. It was still too soon for her. She tipped her head to Lori. "We're probably just going out with my friends." She cringed when she said the word. That's technically what her and Ash were... friends.

Lori sat there and watched their interaction.

Ashlyn waited for an invitation that never came. The silence was awkward.

...

Ali went out the next night. She drank. She danced. She cried to her friend Erin the entire cab ride home. 

...

The three roommates decided to order take-out the next night and watch a movie. Lori went to pick it up and Ashlyn was watching TV on the couch, stomach grumbling. When Lori got back she set the bag down on the coffee table and sat on the other couch- extending her legs to span the entire thing- leaving Ali with no choice but to sit next to Ashlyn. As soon as she sat, Lori got back up. "I'm heading out." She grabbed a container from the bag and headed out the door.

They both knew what she was doing.

...

Ashlyn was pissed. The last thing she wanted right now was to be alone with Ali.

Ali was pissed too. She knew once Ashlyn made an excuse to ditch her she'd be alone for the rest of the night. She could call her friends. But she didn't want to see anyone lately.

"We should watch The Walking Dead..." Ashlyn threw it out there but immediately wished she hadn't, remembering Ali hated anything remotely scary.

"Okay." Ali surprisingly agreed anyway.

...

They watched the first episode and Ali wasn't too scared. She suggested they watch another one.

A couple parts startled Ali and at one point she instinctively grabbed Ashlyn's arm and hid behind her shoulder. She didn't realize it until she felt Ashlyn's back stiffen. "Sorry, I'm sorry." She let go, embarrassed, but not for being scared, and she pushed herself further away. "Old habit." She conceded.

"It's cool." Ashlyn acted like it didn't send electricity up her spine. She turned back to the TV and Ali just watched her sadly.

A few minutes later, Ali felt Ashlyn lean on her shoulder. The closeness, the touch, made her heartbeat quicken. She was so close she could breathe her in- she smelled so good. Always. Ali longed to be able to hold her again- she tried her best to restrain herself.

Ashlyn was so into the episode she didn't really notice. Being close with Ali was second nature. They naturally gravitated to each other. She moved to pull herself closer before she realized what she was doing and stopped. Ali noticed it too but she didn't let on. Ashlyn got up with the excuse of cleaning up the left-overs when the episode was over.

"Yea. I'm going to go to sleep anyway" Ali decided it was best to remove herself from the situation and avoid making a fool of herself like she did when she kissed Ashlyn. It was over. Ashlyn didn't care anymore.  _Why am I the only one upset over this? It was so easy for her to give up on us._ She cried herself to sleep.

If only she knew it wasn't true. Ashlyn kept a calm face for the world but the second she was behind closed doors, she was sobbing. It was hard to remain true to what she believed. It was hard to be so cold to Ali. But she had to keep telling herself:  _Ali isn't proud to be with me. I can't live like that anymore._  The sobs got stronger the more she thought about it. She wanted Ali to care. She wanted Ali to be proud of her, to show her off the way Ashlyn did for her.

...


	8. Chapter 8

About a month ago, the entire USWNT received an email inviting them to the first ever US Soccer Awards Banquet to be held in Los Angeles. And now the deadline for RSVP's was coming up. There were a bunch of awards up for grabs for the men's team, women's team, and past players, coaches, staff, etc.

They announced the short-list for each category and Ali was one of the candidates for Defensive Player of the Year. With the year she had- everyone knew she was basically a shoo-in, but Ali didn't think that way...

Each player's vote counted twice, as did the coaches. Staff and media votes counted once and fans could vote online as well. Each team member received a +1 for the event so they could bring a date (if need be).

...

Lori said she would mail their RSVP's together if they wanted and both Ash and Ali accepted. Ali hadn't filled her's out yet- procrastination (another item Lori added to her mental list of Ali's depression habits). She sat at the table and started filling her's out when she caught a glimpse of Ashlyn's as she handed it over. The guest section was checked... she was bringing a date.

Ali felt sick to her stomach, her eyes began to tear but she bit it back and continued to fill out the card. She put a check in the guest section of her's too and handed it to Lori. She turned and slowly walked to her room and closed the door. She leaned against it and choked back a whimper of sadness. It escaped anyway.  _I can't do this._  


...

She had to find a date, or at least a +1... and fast. She didn't want to ask anyone for real- she only liked one person. Ashlyn.

So she asked Kyle. He already had plans he "couldn't break". She wanted him there so bad. Asking one of her parents wouldn't be fair to the other. She didn't want to have the conversation as to why her and Ashlyn weren't going together... or why they weren't together in general. She still hadn't told them. She could bring a friend or she could find an actual date- Ashlyn had.

...

Later that night Lori brought it up to Ashlyn. "So... you're bringing a +1?"

"Yea. So?"

"It's a little soon, isn't it?"

"What? You don't even know what you're talking about." She brushed it off and changed the subject. Lori dropped it immediately.

...

Ashlyn heard Lori come home after practice the next day, Ali had been staying late, doing weights. She walked down the hall buttoning her shirt and started talking... "I was going to grab some coffee if you want to..." She rounded the corner to find Ali, not Lori. Ali knew it was a mix-up. They weren't at a point in their friendship yet where they hung out. Ashlyn saw the deflated look on her face and tried to recover quickly. It was time to man-up. "...come with me?"

Ali looked away, trying to hide the disappointed look on her face. She knew Ashlyn was only asking her because she felt bad now. "No thanks. I don't really feel like coffee." She lied.

It made Ashlyn feel even worse so she pressed the subject lightly. "But I bet you're in the mood for a chocolate scone." She noticed Ali listen closer. "We can go to Filter, sit on the patio." Ali turned around slowly and looked into apologetic eyes. "Come on." She nodded her head toward the door. "I'll treat you."

 ...

Their conversation was forced in the car and when they first sat down but eventually it made it's way close to normal. Every time Ashlyn would notice herself smiling- she'd feel guilty.  _This is a fine line._   But Ali's personality was still so contagious, addicting even, after all these years- Ashlyn couldn't help it. Even though Ali was heartbroken- her smile was still the brightest thing in sight.

...

They were there long enough that Ashlyn got hungry. "Do you want to get something to eat before we head back?" Ali asked, wanting to spend as long as possible with her but also hating herself for sounding so eager.

Ashlyn weighed her options. They had to get use to this type of interaction for the banquet on Saturday... she figured it couldn't hurt. And Ali figured it was a step in the right direction.

...

Dinner was normal, like nothing had changed, except there was no flirting. Ali noticed that. Ashlyn did too. She wasn't aware how much she usually flirted with Ali until she was trying not to. She caught herself a bunch of times.

...

A girl walking by took a good look at Ashlyn as she passed. Long enough both her and Ali noticed but Ashlyn pretended not to. It reminded Ali that Ashlyn had a date for the banquet. She couldn't stop herself from blurting it out. "You're really bringing a date on Saturday?" She sounded accusatory and wished she kept her mouth shut the second she saw Ashlyn's demeanor change.

She answered carefully. "I have a +1, yes."

"So... what... you're seeing someone else?"  _Please don't answer that._  


"Just because I'm bringing a +1 doesn't mean I'm dating someone." She replied vaguely and waved the waitress over. "Can we get the check, please?" She asked and when the girl left she turned back to Ali. "And there's nothing saying I can't see someone else so..."

  
_ME! I'm saying you can't date someone else. I love you!_ She wanted to say it but she couldn't. And maybe, just maybe if she had in that moment- Ashlyn would have let her. But Ali didn't and Ashlyn didn't look up in fear Ali would see the disappointment in her eyes.

They paid separately.

...

 


	9. Chapter 9

Ali apologized in the car for ruining the night. She wasn't actually sorry though. Ashlyn told her it was okay- it would be a process- and that she didn't ruin anything. What she didn't tell her was how good it felt to spend time with her again. She kept that to herself.

...

There was a note on the counter from Lori- she was staying at a friend's house that night. "Don't leave the light on for me!" It read at the end.

"Movie night?" Ashlyn suggested to Ali's surprise.

"S-sure." She answered quickly. "I'm just going to get changed." She walked to her room to change her shirt.  

 A few minutes went by and Ali still hadn't come out. "You okay in there?" Ashlyn called from the living room.

"Yea." Ali didn't sound too sure. "No." She was reluctant to admit a few seconds later. "Can you come here?" She pleaded and Ashlyn strolled in to see what the hold up was. "I'm sorry." Ali continued. "Can you help me?" Her necklace was caught in the clasp on the back of her shirt.

"Sure." Ashlyn walked over and carefully took it from Ali's hands. The contact made her stand up straight as ever.

"I'm sorry." Ali repeated quietly. She was embarrassed to have to ask for help. It never would have been an issue before but now she felt like she was imposing.

Ashlyn ran her thumb over the necklace, it was the one she gave Ali years ago, the one Ali always wore. Even if it raised questions about the two of them.  _Focus, Ashlyn._   She told herself. She untangled the necklace and released the clasp, watching as the fabric fell open on Ali's shoulders. She stared a moment and fought for self-control.

Ali inhaled sharply when she felt Ashlyn's breath on her neck. It was involuntary and she wished she could have silenced it but it was too late. She didn't want a repeat of the other day so she took a step forward, away from Ashlyn.

Before she could take another, she felt Ashlyn's hand on her wrist. She didn't dare turn around. But she didn't have to. Ashlyn spun Ali to face her and crashed their lips together.

...

Ashlyn tried to stop herself. She knew she was going against her plan but she couldn't control herself with Ali. There was no way Ali was going to stop it either. This is what she wanted since the day everything fell apart. 

Ashlyn got caught up in it. She picked her up in hopes to get to the bed but they didn't make it that far. She pushed Ali against the closest wall, still holding her in her arms, Ali's hands around the back of her neck.

With both hands under Ali's strong thighs, she leaned further into her, grinding their hips together. She felt Ali tremble under the contact and slid one hand under her shirt. She moved to nip at Ali's neck as she traced the outline of her breasts with her thumb. Ali bit her lip to hold back a moan but she trembled again. She was so worked up from missing this so much that she already didn't know how much she could handle. 

Ali pulled her closer without even realizing it and kissed her harder. She was so scared of losing her, so filled with desire that she couldn't stop herself. "I love you." She whispered. It slipped out between kisses as her lips were still against Ashlyn's. She wished she didn't say it when she felt Ashlyn tense. 

It brought Ashlyn back to reality.  _What am I doing?_   She tilted her head to break away from the kiss. Ali bit back tears this time as Ashlyn slowly lowered her to place her feet back on the ground.  _Walk away, Ashlyn._ She kept telling herself but she still couldn't move.

"Ash..." Ali started but she didn't know where to go from there.

"You love me?" Ashlyn whispered as she took a step back.

Ali kept her hands on her neck, refusing to let go. She shook her head up and down furiously. "I love you so much." She pleaded.

"Then prove it." She said pointedly and looked up. Finally allowing her eyes to meet Ali's. "Explain it to me."

But Ali was taken off guard. "I..." And she trailed off quietly.

"Exactly." Ashlyn confirmed and pulled Ali's hands off of her before she stumbled out of the room.

_What is wrong with me? That was my chance to fix it and I said nothing!_ Ali stood there wondering why she couldn't speak, she couldn't say anything. She slid down the wall to sit on the floor, her head in her hands, still breathless.  _Fix this, Ali. You have to fix this._  


_..._


	10. Chapter 10

Ashlyn felt bad as soon as she left the room. She was being really hard on Ali but she didn't know how else to deal with it. She loved Ali so much it hurt. But what hurt more was the fact Ali lied to her. She told her she would take steps forward, she set her up, and then took a huge leap in the opposite direction. Denied loving her. Denied a future with her... or so it seemed to Ashlyn.

 _Why didn't she say anything when I asked her to explain it?_ Ashlyn was baffled. She wondered if Ali was okay with things as they were. If only she knew she wasn't.

...

Ashlyn was sitting on her bed, watching something like House Hunters. She couldn't sleep, she tried for hours and it wasn't happening. There was a knock at her door. "Come in." She answered absent-mindedly, extremely curious on which house would be the one in the end. She didn't even turn to see who it was until they were standing at the bedside. She glanced over from the TV to see Ali standing there, still a little upset but she was done crying over this.

"I couldn't sleep either." She admitted and sat on the edge of the bed. Ashlyn weighed her options but she was done pushing her away. She pulled her knees to her chest and patted the spot next to her.

Ali was done tip-toeing around Ashlyn because she was angry. Ali was tired of being pushed away for one mistake. But she couldn't help loving Ashlyn. And even though Ashlyn was the reason she was upset, she still wanted her to be the one to comfort her.

To Ashlyn, it felt like this was the first real attempt Ali made to make things right again. She had missed all the other ones because she wasn't home or she was too angry or she left camp early. _Oh, forgot about that one._ She let Ali lean into her side.

Ali was determined to corner her at every chance she found. She was going to put herself out there every single time. She wasn't going to give up. She had a plan and she had to execute it perfectly in order for it to work. She was going to push for this no matter how Ashlyn reacted. She refused to let Ashlyn's stubborn nature get in the way.

But right now... right at this moment... she just wanted to cuddle.

She cozied up to Ashlyn's side and pulled Ashlyn's arm around her shoulders. She kept their fingers intertwined and kissed her palm. Ashlyn pretended it didn't effect her but Ali could tell it did. She knew the signs, the indicators, but she wasn't going to press on. It wasn't part of the plan.

Ashlyn knew she had an agenda. She hoped she did. She wanted Ali back, that much was true, but Ali was going to have to work for it. She tried to avoid looking over at Ali. She was slowly cuddling in closer and being so sweet, Ashlyn knew she couldn't keep an angry face if Ali were to smile at her, to kiss her. So she kept her eyes trained on the TV.

Ali continued to watch with her. Rubbing her thumb on Ashlyn's palm and eventually turning slightly toward her. She let go of Ashlyn's hand and slung her arm over her torso. She began trailing gentle lines over the fabric of Ashlyn's t-shirt with her thumb. Ashlyn re-adjusted on the bed to let Ali lay with her head on Ashlyn's shoulder. She curled her arm back around Ali.

"Can you still see?" She asked but she knew Ali couldn't. She knew for sure because she could hardly see either. But she didn't want to move- to risk losing this closeness.

"Yep." Ali lied. But it made Ashlyn feel better.

...

Ashlyn woke up first around 5 am and didn't dare move. She hated waking Ali- she was even beautiful when she slept. _Lovely_. Ashlyn hated that word but it was certainly applicable when it came to a contently sleeping Ali. And that's how she looked right now. Lovely.

...  
Ashlyn finally woke again a few hours later. Now she really had to get up to use the bathroom. She tried to slip out of the bed but Ali held her tighter. Ashlyn smiled and then quickly clenched it before Ali could see- even though her eyes were still closed. She slowly slipped out of her grasp and shuffled to the bathroom.

When she came back Ali had strategically taken over her side of the bed. She knew Ashlyn was insistant on the left side. She knew she would either have to move her or lay with her. Ashlyn chose to move her though and at first Ali was disappointed when she was rolled on her side. But when Ashlyn snuggled up behind her, her arm over Ali's body and holding her close, Ali felt herself smile for the first time in what seemed like forever.

The back of her head rested on Ashlyn's chest and she could feel her heartbeat. She loved that. She loved this girl. More than anything in the world.

It was a small step. But a step in the right direction none-the-less. And Ali let her hopes raise a little bit as Ashlyn held her in her arms.

...

 


	11. Chapter 11

The next night went pretty much the same way. As did the one after that. Ali made her presence known and Ashlyn couldn't push her away. She didn't want to. She couldn't lose her. Ali had worked her way back to Ashlyn's heart- not like she ever really left it.

But the third night was different. The night before they all flew to LA for the awards...

Ali got ready for bed, turned out her lights and was about to walk to Ashlyn's room when there was a knock at her door. "Come in!" She shouted as she grabbed a sweatshirt but the door didn't open. She yelled it again but still nothing.

She listened quietly and swore she heard a sigh on the other side of the door. Not wanting to waste another chance- she quickly ran over and pulled it open.

It was Ashlyn, well, the back of Ashlyn as she tried to sneak away but froze in her tracks. She looked like she had just talked herself out of going in Ali's room, their old room, and decided to walk away. Ali wouldn't let her though. _No more wasted chances._ She told herself. 

"Hi." Ali whispered.

"Hey." Ashlyn's shoulders dropped and she looked to the ground before reluctantly turning around.

...

When she let her eyes meet Ali's- Ali could see it all. The pain, the heart break, the embarrassment. It was all there. Ali never meant to hurt her. To break her heart. She knew it had nothing to do with coming out. That didn't matter to either of them. What mattered was being true to each other. It was the principle of it. The interview was just the last straw on a shaky subject.

...

Ashlyn thought she was going to cry when Ali looked at her. She was so close to breaking again. She didn't want to do it in front of Ali. _This was a bad idea._ She turned to walk back to her room without a word but Ali grabbed her sleeve. It sent a wave of emotion through Ashlyn's body. She felt a lump in her throat and closed her eyes to hold back the tears.

"Stay." Ali pleaded, a firm grip on Ashlyn's shirt sleeve.

The fact she didn't move or respond broke Ali's heart even more... She had talked to Pinoe on the phone earlier. Ash called her to vent but she really just cried to Pinoe for an hour, poured her heart out. Megan felt obligated to tell Ali. She knew they weren't together anymore but she knew Ali was the only one who could get through to Ashlyn. They were the only two who could fix this.

Ali still had yet to see Ashlyn's emotions in this matter. Except anger. She saw that one pretty vividly in the first few days. Sad as it was, she was slightly relieved when Pinoe told her of Ashlyn's break-down. It meant she cared. There was still a chance.

"I can't." Ashlyn finally responded. Her voice shaking.

"It's okay, Ash." Ali reassured and pulled gently on her sleeve.

"No, I mean I can't... I can't restrain myself with you." She admitted. Still facing the other way, leaning her head on the door frame. She never could resist Ali. She had been battling it for days- the need to be with Ali, to hold her and kiss her and make Ali her's again.

"...I'm not asking you to." Ali countered.

"Alex." It was a warning. She knew what would happen if Ali tried to convince her. It would work.

Ali knew it too. But that's what she wanted. Their chemistry was undeniable. She knew it would push things in the right direction. But she also knew she needed a friend right now. "Come're, babe."

"We can't." Ashlyn whispered again. _Because I still love you so much it hurts._ Her heart was begging Ali to ignore her words and pull her in. Her head was telling her to walk away now. So she stood there, motionless.

"To sleep." Ali continued. "Let's go to sleep."

Ashlyn wasn't sure why that triggered her but it did. She sniffled as tears ran down her cheeks and her shoulders trembled a bit.

Ali bit her lip, trying to hold back tears of her own. She couldn't keep her composure when Ashlyn was upset. Her heart was linked to her's through every emotion. Ashlyn was the same way with Ali- linked to her, but she was always the strong one. She kept Ali close and safe when she was upset. Her heart melted for Ali.

Ashlyn tried to pull away but Ali was not having any of it. She still hadn't let go of her sleeve and she now grabbed the same wrist with her other hand. Ashlyn pretended to resist for a second but Ali gently pulled her toward herself and Ashlyn gave in. She fell into Ali, burying her face in her neck as she sobbed.

Ali held her tight and told her it was okay. She rubbed her back and pulled her closer. As heart breaking as it was- it still made Ali feel like there was a chance for them behind this sad exterior. Ashlyn was crying harder than Ali had ever seen before. It made her realize just how much she had hurt Ashlyn.

"Shhh. It's okay, Ash." She assured her and used her hand to tip Ashlyn's head up to look at her. The tears on her face, the wild tint of her eyes, broke down every ounce of self-control Ali had. She refused to lose this girl. "It's okay." She said again as she wiped the tears from Ashlyn's cheeks using her thumbs.

Her sobs had calmed down but Ashlyn was still sniffling and she would shake a little with each one. Ali wanted to soothe her cries the best way she knew how. She leaned up and slowly, softly but quickly kissed her lips. Ashlyn's sniffling halted and Ali hadn't moved back too far.

After a moment, she leaned in again. The same kiss, the same pressure, just a little bit longer this time. Ashlyn's stomach flipped. Ali pulled back. Neither of them looked at each other, eyes trained on the floor. It was silent.

Ashlyn looked up first. Her heart was beating frantically and she hoped Ali would look into her eyes. She did. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly as her heart pounded in her chest.

They stared at each other for a moment. It felt like it did right before their first kiss. Their first time. The time they first said they loved each other. It all came back in one moment and that was all it took. That feeling.

They both smashed into each other. Lips moving together in perfect synchronization. Ashlyn's hands around Ali's waist. Ali's arms wrapped around Ashlyn's neck. It was desparate and it was needy and it was soaked with emotions. Desire. Regret. A longing for each other.

Ali could have sworn she felt Ashlyn smile at one point. She smiled back involuntarily and Ashlyn paused when she noticed it. Ali's smile faded against Ashlyn's lips and she hoped it was only a pause- not the end. She nudged Ashlyn's nose with her own and willed her to kiss again, trying to move closer. "I love you." She whispered in an exhale though it sounded like she was pleading.

Ashlyn's eyes came up to meet her's. She could see the truth in the deep brown of Ali's eyes but she didn't let it show. She lifted Ali up, kicked the door shut, and carried her to the bed as Ali wrapped her hand around Ashlyn's neck and resumed making out with her.

Ali surrendered control to Ashlyn. She liked it better that way anyway. Especially when Ashlyn was in her zone. Ali was one of the few things able to keep her undivided attention. Ali couldn't help but think this would push them a giant step in the right direction. She only hoped Ashlyn felt the same thing.

...


	12. Chapter 12

Ali woke first. Always a few minutes ahead of her alarm. She was in a familiar position- backed up into Ashlyn, her head resting on Ashlyn's arm which was bent at the elbow. Ashlyn's other arm was draped over her body, holding her close, keeping her safe.

She didn't dare move. She could lay like this forever. Wearing Ashlyn's t-shirt from the night before. Feeling their bare legs and ankles tangled under the blankets. Ashlyn was only wearing one sock- they didn't waste time to remove everything in the heat of it all.

When the alarm went off a few minutes later, Ashlyn let out a low groan. She started to roll on her back when she felt the weight against her. She knew exactly how Ali felt. The details of the night quickly flashed through her brain and she felt like maybe she made a mistake. That wasn't the right way to get back into things with Ali.

But Ali didn't care. All she wanted was to have Ashlyn back- at any cost. She didn't want there to be an awkwardness after this night. She didn't want it to be a mistake. It sure didn't feel like one.

As Ali realized Ashlyn was awake, she slowly moved her hand to take Ashlyn's and hold it in her own. She brought their hands up to her lips and kissed the freckle on top of Ashlyn's before she tucked their hands under her chin and cuddled closer to her. "This is nice." She smiled and said in a groggy tone.

Ali could feel Ashlyn's breath against her neck but she didn't respond. Ali knew she was probably panicking- wondering if they had made a mistake (or three mistakes really) the night before. She didn't want Ashlyn to think she assumed everything was back to normal now. She knew they weren't there yet but she knew it was heading in that direction. She also knew how to reassure her...

Ali rolled on her side, facing Ashlyn, and burrowed her head in her neck, her arm over Ashlyn's hips. "I miss you." She whispered. She chose those words for a reason- she said 'I love you' last night and didn't get a response. Saying 'I missED you' would sound like she assumed everything was okay. She didn't want to seem so oblivious to the apparent issue. So saying 'I miss you' was the right thing for the time.

Ashlyn wanted to hold Ali like this forever. _Fuck the awards._ But the alarm went off again and she rolled on her back, bringing Ali with her and hit snooze one more time. Ali just held her as close as possible as Ashlyn played with the tag on the back of her t-shirt, her own t-shirt really. She always thought it was cute when Ali wore her clothes. It was endearing. Just like Ali herself.

The alarm went off again a couple minutes later and neither of them moved. They knew they had to get up now but were reluctant to lose contact with the other. Ali could feel Ashlyn's heartbeat quicken and she quietly took a deep breath.

"Alex..."

Ali propped herself up on one elbow and looked to Ashlyn who still could not look her in the eye. Ali pulled her hip closer and trailed her thumb along Ashlyn's stomach in efforts to coax her to continue.

Ashlyn slowly turned to look at Ali. Her eyes were softer than the night before and Ali held her breath for what was coming next. Ashlyn could see the worry in her eyes.

"...I love you too." She admitted. It was like she had no choice in the matter. She would always love Ali- no matter what she did- Ali was it for her.

Ali nodded her head up and down. Ashlyn leaned up to kiss her but before she could- the bedroom door swung open.

"Kriegs, our flight leaves in- oh my g- I'm sorry!" Lori rushed back out and closed the door behind her. She leaned against the wall and smiled. A huge grin. _Finally._

Ashlyn and Ali looked at each other for a second before they broke out laughing. Ali leaned her forehead to Ashlyn's chest and chuckled. Ashlyn pulled the blankets up around her shoulders and kept her close. They laid like that for a minute.

"We really should get up though. I need a shower." Ashlyn smiled and Ali groaned but moved to the side to let her up. She stood and stretched her arms above her head. She turned back to catch Ashlyn eyeing her.

"Oh, right. Your shirt." She began to pull it off but that's not what Ashlyn was looking at. She interrupted her...

"You can hang onto it." She offered. She pulled on her sweatshirt instead and gave Ali a quick kiss on the lips before she left the room.

...


	13. Chapter 13

No one had to sit between them on the way to the airport. No one had to be the buffer to separate them. And Lori was glad because she was tired of being the one to do so.

But there was still a difference. Ashlyn didn't carry Ali's bags for her. She didn't hold doors for her or ask if she wanted something when she went to get a snack. She didn't lean her head on Ali's shoulder when they waited in the terminal. The only one who noticed was Ali. She told herself it would take time.

And on the flight Lori purposely took the window seat so they would have no option but to sit with each other. And if one of them wanted to sleep- you could be sure the other would be the pillow.

"Do you want to watch with me?" Ali pulled out her iPad.

"Sure." Ashlyn slid her headphones back in her bag for now "What're you going to watch?" She asked.

"I downloaded the next couple episodes of Walking Dead." Ali responded. 

"Al, you're going to be scared." Ashlyn pointed out.

"No, we're on a plane. And... you're here." She put herself out there to see what would happen.

Ashlyn's eyes darted to hers and she held back a smile but Ali could tell it was still there. Ali set her iPad across both their tray tables so it was in the middle of them and they settled in to watch the next episode. And the next. And Ali was scared- they both knew she would be. But she was right- Ashlyn was right there for her to hold onto.

When Ali dozed off a few times and her arm slipped off the arm-rest repeatedly, Ashlyn finally gave in and pushed it up. "Come here." She raised one arm so Ali could lean against her. Ashlyn wrapped her arm around Ali's shoulders and pulled her close. "Get some sleep, babe." She whispered.

'Babe'... She didn't mean to say it. It just happened and she tried not to draw any attention to it.

But Ali definitely didn't miss it. She held back a smile.

...

They had a lay-over in Phoenix and the three of them got some food and a couple drinks. This was technically a mini-vacation so why not? Their connecting flight wasn't until 8 PM. Another hour and a half.

A few drinks turned into their normal flirting and Lori just observed with a smile on her face, catching them a few times. But they would just revert and go back to being absorbed in each other. Hands grazing one another's and then blushing and more smiling.

Ali felt similar to how she did when they first met. Nervous but excited- just trying to feel out how Ashlyn felt about her, about them.

Ashlyn kept saying to herself how much she missed this. How much she missed out on during the past couple weeks of torture she had put herself through, and presumably Ali also. It was so good to see that smile again. To be the one who caused it. Again and again.

...

The next flight was much shorter but they did hit a patch of turbulence due to the lower cruising altitude. Turbulence always made Ali really nervous and she instinctively grabbed Ashlyn's hand. Ashlyn pulled her hand into her lap and rubbed Ali's palm with her thumb. "We're good. I have you." 

It was exactly what she had said the last time they flew together. Before everything blew up. Before she flew home, alone. And Ali had to fare the turbulence on her own. This was better. Being together.

...

They waited at the baggage claim for a while and Lori was getting antsy.

"Calm down there. buddy." Ashlyn put a hand on her shoulder and took out her phone with the other.

She started to smile as she texted and casually put the phone back in her pocket. Ali took this opportunity to make a joke.

"Who ya texting? Your +1?" She chuckled. Obviously Ashlyn would have told her date it was off...

But when Ali was received with silence, she looked up to find an apologetic look on Ashlyn's face. The look said it all. She really was texting her date. And the date was still on. 

Ali was crushed. She didn't understand. "Oh..." She tried to recover but she felt emotion stirring up. She was tired of crying but it wasn't sadness she felt approaching. It was anger. 

"Alex-"

"No! Seriously, Ash? After the past few days? And what you said this morning? And... Ughhh!" She let out a frustrated groan and turned to walk away. 

"Wait! It's not what you think-" Ashlyn called after her and tried to follow but Lori blocked her. She tried to move the other way but Lori grabbed her arm.

"Ash, don't." She warned. "Leave her alone."

"You don't even know what you're talking about!" Ashlyn pulled away but didn't follow Ali. She didn't want to make a big scene. Especially in an airport. So she went over to the other side of the baggage claim to separate herself from Lori before she said something she didn't want to say.

Ali made it to a bathroom stall before she gasped for air. There were no more tears to fall. _After what she felt last night... Why? I thought we were finally okay again._

She forced herself to get back out there. Back to the baggage claim but she wouldn't look Ashlyn in the eye. She refused as she felt her eyes on her from the other side of the baggage claim. Lori's arm was around her shoulders. "It's okay, Al. She'll come around." But Ali really didn't believe it anymore.

Ashlyn watched them angrily. Wishing Lori didn't get involved this time. _If they would only let me explain_...


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm drawing this one out a chapter longer... Next chapter is the last one. 
> 
> Also I'm posting it from my phone so hopefully the format comes out right :)

Ali successfully avoided Ashlyn for the rest of the night. She was glad she didn't assume they'd be "roommates" on this trip. Glad Lori was there instead. But it also made her sick to know Ashlyn and her date had their own room.

...

Avoiding her proved to be a bad idea. It only made Ashlyn more annoyed.

Ali and Pinoe walked through the lobby on their way out for lunch. Last Pinoe heard from Ali, things were much better, but Ali hadn't told her about the airport incident. She planned to fill her in at lunch.

Unfortunately, they spotted Ashlyn in the lobby before that could happen. She was talking to a cute girl who looked a couple years younger than her.

Before Ali could stop Pinoe, she shouted to Ashlyn who turned abruptly to face them. _No! Shit!_ It was too late to run. Too late to explain. Ali would have to come face to face with Ashlyn's date. Her stomach curdled.

"Hey!" Ashlyn looked excited until she saw the look on Ali's face and it all rushed back. "Hey." She said again quieter.

Pinoe looked between the two of them, confused, but continued talking anyway. She introduced herself to the other girl. Completely oblivious to the situation. "Hi, I'm Megan." She shook her hand.

"Natalie." She shook Megan's hand and turned to shake Ali's but Ali didn't extend it.

"This is Ali..." Megan nudged her and gave Ashlyn a weird look. Ashlyn just shrugged, also confused.

Ali reluctantly shook her hand.

"Nice to finally meet you, Ali." She had a knowing look- like she knew all about Ali. _She must have heard stories about me from Ashlyn. Great._ "We should probably get back to-"

"Yea, you know. Get back to whatever you guys were talking about." Ali rudely interrupted and eveyrone froze. She turned to Natalie. "Have fun tonight." And then faced Ashlyn, but still spoke to Natalie. "She's a great girl... And an amazing date."

Ashlyn could see the sincerity in her eyes.

Ali turned to leave and Ashlyn watched her walk away- totally miffed by what just happened. "I'll... be... right back." She slowly said to Natalie and Pinoe without taking her eyes off Ali and ran after her.

Pinoe stood with Natalie, both looked at each other surprised by this random confession. "You heard nothing." Pinoe warned.

...

Ashlyn wasn't able to catch up to Ali. She crossed the street right before the light changed and disappeared down a side street. It would be like finding a needle in a haystack. A needle that did not want to be found.

Ali called Pinoe twenty minutes later and had her meet her at their original lunch destination 

"What the hell was that?!" Pinoe asked soon as she sat down, annoyed Ali had run away and ignored her calls.

"I want that girl to know what Ashlyn is worth. She's great." She said, trying not to cry. Pinoe just stared at her, brow furrowed in confusion. She studied the look on Ali's face and finally realized it. Her eyebrows quickly raised.

"Ali, that's- she's not... oh my god. That's not her date!" She exclaimed.

"What?" Ali asked. Now it was her turn to be confused.

"Natalie's not her date, Ali! You just came out to a reporter for FOX Soccer!"

Ali's jaw dropped and her eyes widened. "W-what?"

"That ugly thing around her neck- yea- not a necklace. You didn't notice she was wearing a press badge?" Pinoe looked on in amusement.

"No, I... oh my god. I just... oh. my. god." Ali searched for words.

"Yea..." Pinoe let her process it for a few minutes.

...

"Krieger Comes Out..." Ali whispered to break the silence.

"What?" Pinoe laughed, mostly to herself.

"That's what the headline will say." Ali mumbled.

Pinoe tried not to laugh. She knew this was a sensitive subject, especially for Ali, but she still couldn't get over it. She continued. "I told her that was off the record, Kriegs. Don't worry. She said they won't run the story." Pinoe reassured and put a hand on her shoulder.

Ali looked up and finally looked her in the eye. "What if I want them to?"

...


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok, so I lied... one more chapter after this one but it's already written so it will be up soon...

...The day of the awards...

A few of the girls went to lunch in different groups. Ali assumed Ashlyn would go with Kelley, Alex and them... so she joined that group. Hoping to catch her and talk to her.

Ali usually went with Becky, Pinoe and them so Ashlyn joined that group. Hoping to sit with Ali and talk to her.

They missed each other completely.

Pinoe pulled Ashlyn aside and told her of the conversation she had with Ali the day before. She told her how Ali contacted the reporter about possibly running a piece. About how she wanted to prove it all to Ashlyn. About how she was planning to come out.

"That's not what I wanted to come of this, Pinoe. She's not ready for that."

"I know. That's why I'm telling you."

"It's not about coming out. She'll do that on her own. Its about being true to us. Its about not publicly breaking my heart. She's not proud of me and that hurts. But this isn't what I wanted. I don't want her to do something she's not ready for..."

"So talk to her before its too late." Pinoe suggested obviously.

"I want to talk to her. That's why I'm here. I ditched on Kell... no offense." She reasoned.

"Oh my god, you're both so fucking stubborn. Yes, you're obviously here to talk to her. And she's doing the same thing in case you haven't noticed." Ashlyn hadn't. "Let me spell this out for you... You're both being babies. You have a phone- call the girl. You know she is Lori's roommate- go to her room. Suck it up, Ash! One of you has to break. Stop screwing around- hoping it will be her and do something about it!" Pinoe finished.

Ashlyn just looked at her, silently taking in the words. "Wow. No one ever yells at me..." She said finally.

"Sometimes being a friend means yelling at someone." Pinoe shrugged.

"No, you're right. I'll go find her after lunch." Ashlyn conceded and Pinoe gave her a pointed glare. "What? I can't think straight on an empty stomach." Ashlyn defended her procrastination.

Pinoe lightened up. "Was that a coming out joke?" She raised an eyebrow playfully, easing the tension. "Because we all know you can't think _straight_." She joked.

Ashlyn looked at her and smiled. "I do think straight... straight to Ali." She teased back and they had a good laugh before joining the rest of the group.

...

Ali waited around in the lobby for a few minutes when they go back from lunch. Hoping to _mistakenly_ run into Ashlyn. But she had no such luck. She figured they must have stayed longer than her group. She walked slowly to her room.

But when she got out of the elevator, she saw a familiar figure sitting on the floor by her door. Even that got Ali flustered- just seeing her. Even in just a black t-shirt, gray sweatpants and black socks- still the most attractive girl she's ever seen.

Ashlyn was leaning against the wall with her knees pulled into her chest. Her arms crossed and leaning on her knees, her head resting on them. Her body language had 'sorry' written all over it.

Ali quietly walked over to her but Ashlyn could sense she was there and looked up from her arms.

"Do you want to come in?" Ali dropped her hand for Ashlyn to take and she did without a word.

...

Ali sat on her bed and leaned her back to the headboard. Her legs crossed Indian-style and nodded her head for Ashlyn to join her. Ashlyn sat across from her the same way and faced her. She took a deep breath. 

"We should talk about this." She started.

"Yea, we should." Ali agreed.

Pinoe's words echoed in her head. _Stop screwing around!_ "You can't do it, Ali." Ashlyn blurted out. She continued when a confused look spread across Ali's face. "Fox Soccer- you can't. It's not right and its not fair to you and I'm sorry I let everything get this far."

Ali was quiet for a moment. "Megan told you." She sounded annoyed.

"She did. Listen... I don't want you to do this- its something you can't take back. Its something that's going to affect your entire life- you don't need to do this. You know it was never about coming out." She couldn't watch her do something she wasn't prepared to do. She suddenly felt a wave of emotion and tried to hold it back as Ali spoke.

"But, I love you and all I want is you and you don't want the same." Ali was in tears.

"That's not true! I am so madly in love with you. I never should have let it get this bad. I fucked up and I let my emotions get the best of me. And I'm stubborn. And I'm an asshole. And-" Her words were shaking as tears filled her eyes. "And I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted- I..." She started crying, breathing frantically. It surprised Ali to see her this upset. "I thought you didn't love me. That you weren't proud of me. And you broke my heart, Alex!" She sobbed a confession.

"Ashlyn..." Ali gasped through tears and scooted closer, grabbing one of Ashlyn's feet to pull her near.

"You broke my heart in front of the team, our friends. My family watches a lot of the US Soccer stuff. I always talk about how great you are and then they see your interview and I look like a fool! It's not fair!" Ali didn't know Ashlyn felt this way and so strongly. Ali broke down with her.

Ashlyn didn't really know she felt this way either... not until now. Bawling in Ali's arms.

"I don't care about the rest of the world. I was blind-sided. I felt so stupid." She cried. "And all the girls gave me that look of pity and I HATE THAT! I get that look every time Barnie or Jill starts over me. I can't get that look because of you. You're the best thing I have!" She sobbed into Ali's chest, soaking her t-shirt with tears.

Ali's jaw was dropped with guilt as she held her girl. She had no idea Ashlyn was affected this much. It hurt her to know she did this. She hugged Ashlyn tighter than ever before- to the point she thought she might crush her. She hardly knew where to begin.

"I don't want to h-hurt you." Ali sobbed harder. "You're my baby... I'm so sorry! I would die before hurting you, Ash. I never meant to do that to you- to us." She leaned back to kiss Ashlyn's tear-streaked face before pulling her close again. "I need you to know I'm proud of you and I love you so much it hurts. Please know I've always been proud to call you mine. You're beyond important to me. And this..." She put her hand over Ashlyn's heart. "This is all I want." 

That only made Ashlyn cry harder... which, in turn, also made Ali cry harder. They stayed like that for a while. Ashlyn's legs pulled up onto Ali's lap as she held her in a crushing hug.

...

Ali's cries died down and she waited for Ashlyn's breathing to even out. It did a couple minutes later but neither of them moved. Ali dared not let go of her. She tried to hold her breath to hang onto this moment longer.

...

Eventually, she felt the tag of her t-shirt brush against her neck. Ali couldn't help but smile when she realized Ashlyn was playing with it. She took a deep breath and leaned back to meet Ashlyn's eyes.

Ashlyn tried to dodge Ali's gaze at first but eventually gave in.

She blushed with the embarrassment of crying so hard. Being so emotional. She wiped the tears from Ali's cheeks before clearing her own. Her own well-being always came second to Ali's- that's just how Ashlyn was.

It set Ali off again. She started sniffling and before the tear rolling down her face dropped, Ashlyn had her on her lap- wrapped up in a hug.

She mumbled into Ali's neck. "Shhh its okay, baby. No more crying."

"I can't help it." Ali whimpered and Ashlyn moved to lay back onto the pillows, keeping Ali on her lap, tucking her under her chin as they laid down. She gently rubbed one palm on Ali's back and kept the other wrapped around her.

...

It was quiet for a while before Ali spoke again. "You smell good." She mumbled innocently.

Ashlyn chuckled. "I mean... I took a shower. So that's good to hear." She smiled and loosened her grip so Ali could move to get comfortable.

"No, like... you smell like... you." She nuzzled closer. "It's good."

Ashlyn just smiled. She has a soft spot for this girl as it is but that just made her heart melt.

...

Ali fell asleep and Ashlyn didn't have the heart to wake her.

But Lori came back to the room a few minutes later and Ali started to stir. Lori looked at them, confused. There was so much back-and-forth she didn't know what to believe.

"Do you want me to come back later?" She whispered to Ashlyn who gave her the thumbs up without bothering Ali. But Ali heard Lori's question and answered it herself.

"No, sorry Lori. I'm up." She propped herself up on one elbow but Ashlyn kept her arm around her.

"Maybe just a couple minutes, Lor?" Ashlyn requested as Ali rubbed her eyes.

"Okay." She stepped back out.

Ali looked to her blearily. "How about I take you to brunch tomorrow? We can start from there." She inquired. ""We'll have fun tonight and tomorrow we can work things out, okay?"

Ali nodded 'yes' and smiled.

Ashlyn sat up and pulled her in for a hug. She let go and kissed her on the cheek.

When she pulled away to leave, Ali pulled her back in for a real kiss. She let it linger for a few seconds until she knew she had Ashlyn hooked and then pulled back.

They shared a silence for a moment until Ashlyn gave in to the tension, as Ali knew she would. She crashed their lips together- backing Ali up to sit on the bed. She stood between her legs and leaned over her to continue kissing.

Ali pulled her down closer and hooked a leg around Ashlyn's waist, reeling her in by the hips. Ashlyn immediately reached for Ali's belt buckle but they were interrupted by a simple 'ahem' across the room. Lori.

They both just laughed and separated after one more kiss.

"Can I assume everything is back to normal?" Lori asked.

They looked at each other and smiled.

"See you guys tonight." Ashlyn said as she walked out of the room.

As soon as the door was closed Lori hopped onto Ali's bed. "Spill everything, Kriegs!" She bounced onto Ali and took her down laughing. Her first true bout of laughter in a very long time.

...


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow this chapter is long- also this is the end- thanks for sticking with me since... wow, November!

"There's really a red carpet!" Kelley exclaimed as they walked toward the entrance.

"Yesss! Let's take a prom photo." Pinoe joined in and the two of them ran over to do so.

Ali took the picture and showed them for approval.

"Oh we look good!" Pinoe high-fived Kelley and they all took a range of pictures before heading into the hall.

"We clean up nice." Tobin teased as they scrolled through the pictures on the walk. 

...

They had assigned tables- which was fine since everyone gets along so well but Ali notices she's at the same table as "Ashlyn Harris & guest". _Shit._ She forgot about that. _Maybe Ashlyn felt bad canceling last minute. That must be it. Because we're back now, right?_ Ali let herself begin to worry more.

Just then... as if it were on que, Cheney came over to Ali to ask if she saw Ashlyn's date yet. Ali glared at her, slightly confused as to why she would bring up such a sensitive subject.

"No." She said harshly and they both grabbed a glass of champagne from a passing waiter.

"Oh, well I just saw them." Cheney continued.

 _Shut up, Cheney._ Ali clenched her teeth. 

"He's really cute." She said smartly.

 _What?_ Ali paused. "Uh... He?" She turned to Cheney, confused. But Cheney just gave her a knowing smile and walked away quickly. _What the fuck? She must have said that wrong._ Ali thought as she turned around to see what she was up to.

But Ali was met with a familiar smile before she could even spot her in the crowd.

Ashlyn.

Ali's stomach flipped when she saw her- not ready to be face-to-face with her date. Until she saw who it was...

Kyle.

"Oh my god!" Ali squealed and ran to him. He picked her up in a hug and spun her around.

"Like I'd ever miss my baby sis's award ceremony!" He said from within the embrace.

"I thought you had plans?" She punched his shoulder when he put her down. Remembering when she asked him a while back.

"I did. With this girl." He pointed to a smiling Ashlyn. "She beat you to it." He hugged Ali again.

"Wait... this was your plan the whole time? Since back then?" She asked. Trying to put the pieces together. She looked to Ashlyn. "You hated me then... and you still planned this?" Ali was so touched she was on the verge of tears.

Ashlyn was about to speak but Kyle got to it first. "Hated you? This girl?" He slung his arm around Ashlyn's shoulders. Since Ali hadn't told him the story and it seems Ashlyn didn't either- Kyle was totally oblivious to the situation. "This girl loves you like crazy, Alex." He continued. "She almost cried when she called me to plan this." He added.

Ashlyn rolled her eyes at the personal detail and shot him a glare. But Kyle still had no idea so he shrugged his shoulders as if to ask 'what?'.

"Is that true?" Ali looked her in the eyes.

Ashlyn blushed and looked down to her feet. She scuffed at the carpet with her wingtip before answering. "Yeaaa." She said reluctantly.

Ali's eyes do this thing where they sparkle when she's amazed by something. If Ashlyn had been looking up she would have noticed. But she was too shy right now. Kyle noticed though. He caught on to the apprehension between the two of them.

"There's Lori. I'll be right back." He made an excuse and hurried away to leave them to each other.

Ali just smiled and stepped closer to Ashlyn. She gently tugged at the edge of her blazer, coaxing Ashlyn to look up. She saw the sparkle in Ali's eyes and smiled. Ali smiled too and stepped even closer.

...Across the room Kelley nudged Pinoe and Alex and nodded toward Ali and Ashlyn. They watched like it was a movie. Waiting for the next move...

Ashlyn thought about stopping her, to remind her there were cameras everywhere, but the look in Ali's eyes was so definitive, Ashlyn couldn't do it.

Ali pulled her closer by her blazer, dangerously close, and smiled as she leaned into Ashlyn. She kissed her softly on the lips, pulling back after a few seconds and smiling again. Ashlyn mirrored the smile and pulled her in for a hug.

"I love you." She whispered into Ali's hair.

"I love you too." Ali mumbled through a grin as she saw other people in the room going about their business like nothing happened. It wasn't a big deal and it certainly wasn't a surprise to most.

Ashlyn could see the team over Ali's shoulder. Pinoe and Lori with their fists in the air. Alex giving her the thumbs up. Becky and Hope smiling ear-to-ear.

"We have an audience behind you." Ashlyn teased as she let go of the hug. Ali turned to see all their reactions. She rolled her eyes and dipped her head before turning back and looking up at Ashlyn with a smile.

"They're just jealous." Ali joked. She stepped back a little bit.

"I bet... You look really good." Ashlyn bit back a smile.

Ali bit one back too. "So do you." She exhaled as she watched Ashlyn's eyes rake over her body. "Okay!" She broke both of them out of the daze before it could get any further. She pushed Ashlyn toward the girls and they walked over to join their friends again.

... 

As expected, Ali received an award. She went up to accept it and give a short speech. Before she started, she scanned the room with her eyes. Ashlyn was standing by the table, back out of everyone's view. She motioned for Ali to remember to talk slower, like she always reminded her before interviews, and gave her the thumbs up. 

The sparkle was back in Ali's eyes. Her love for this girl was beyond anything else she ever felt.

She started. "I promise to make my speech shorter than Clint's." She joked at Dempsey and the crowd laughed with her. "Thank you so much for this award. It really means a lot as it comes from such an amazing organization. I'm so proud to be a part of something so innovative and supportive. So... thank you, US Soccer."

She looked to the crowd and started clapping as everyone joined in cheering as well. When the fun died down she continued.

"Mom, Dad, Kyle- I wouldn't be the person I am today without your love and support throughout my entire life. Thank you all. The team- my second family. You girls are incredible. We push and pull each other to succeed and my appreciation for you is beyond words. Thank you so much."

They all smiled and waved to her, Ashlyn especially, as she went on. 

"Finally... I want to thank Ashlyn." Ashlyn's sucked in a breath- not expecting that. Kyle patted her on the back. "You've always been by my side and you make me want to be better every day. During my ACL recovery... on days when I wanted to give up on working out- she would say 'I thought Krieger meant warrior, not quitter'." Ali did a good impression of Ashlyn. "Because she knew that would make me mad." Ali chuckled. "And what do I do to blow off steam when I'm mad? I work out." She said pointedly and everyone laughed at the punch line.

Ali waited for the laughter to die down. Ashlyn's included- who hadn't taken her eyes off Ali once.

She got serious- looking Ashlyn in the eye from across the room. "Thank you." She said and it was backed with so much meaning, only Ashlyn could understand the sincerity of it. It was like they were the only two people there.

She looked back to the crowd and held the award in the air.

"Alright Heif, wrap it up." She joked and stepped down from the podium so he could announce the next award. 

...

After the ceremony, everyone was going out on the town. Bar hopping eventually led to a bunch of groups splitting up. Ashlyn, Ali and Kyle went with Kelley, Syd, Alex and them and the night went on.

...

Ashlyn watched what she drank. She knew she had to make things right tomorrow. She had to ask Ali to be her girlfriend all over again and she wanted to do it right.

Ali hardly drank anything. She was so giddy from her speech and having Ashlyn back that she couldn't even imagine drinking.

...

Eventually Kyle left to go home. He only lived a short walk from the bar and had work in the morning. They made plans to get dinner the next night before Ali flew home.

He hugged Ashlyn and thanked her for inviting him and surprising Ali. They said good night and that they would see each other at dinner.

...

Ashlyn spotted Ali at the bar a few minutes later. She really didn't want a drink but any reason to go talk to Ali was a good one. Not like she needed a reason anyway.

"Hey you." Ashlyn yelled over the music as she sidled up to Ali.

"Hey." Ali smiled. "Want something?" She motioned to the bottles behind the bar.

"Sure. Whatever you're having." She said with a smile but really she wanted nothing other than to talk to Ali.

"Oh..." Ali thought for a second. "I was just drinking water but... um..." She looked at the bottles trying to decide. If Ashlyn wanted a drink, she was going to have one too.

The bartender came over right then. "What can I get for you girls?" He asked cheerily.

Ashlyn looked to a still-deciding Ali and then back to the bartender when she realized. "Two waters, please." Ali turned to her. "You're not drinking either. Are you?" Ashlyn smiled.

"No, not really. I had some champagne at the ceremony."

"Same. And I had a vodka club at the first bar but that's it." She shrugged.

"Does that mean you're not going to flirt with me tonight?" Ali cocked an eyebrow. Back to her playful ways.

Ashlyn leaned closer. "I couldn't stop myself from flirting with you if I tried." She said so only Ali could hear and it made her blush.

Ali knew she had set Ashlyn on a mission by asking that but she didn't mind one bit.

"You're so beautiful." Ashlyn whispered in her ear as they leaned on the bar. Ali smiled and looked down shyly. Ashlyn leaned to her ear again so Ali could hear over the music. "Prettiest girl I've ever seen." She continued and Ali bumped their shoulders together. "You know I came here with some of my friends but... I wouldn't mind leaving with just you."

Ali playfully pushed her back by the chest and Ashlyn laughed and pulled her in for a hug around the shoulders. Ali gave her a quick peck on the cheek before they let go.

They drank their water in silence. Ashlyn turned to Ali and looked her in the eyes. "I'm serious you know."

Ali nodded confidently.

"Especially that last part." Ashlyn added and Ali took one last gulp of her water before putting it down on the bar.

"Yea, let's go." She moved from the bar and reached for Ashlyn's hand. Ashlyn gave her a skeptical look before taking it and was surprised to find Ali was serious.

They walked straight out the door and toward the hotel. Fingers laced together. Bumping shoulders through the tension of what was about to happen.

...

Ali had her against the door as Ashlyn's left hand searched her pocket for the key card. When she got it out, Ali grabbed it from her hand and swiped to open the door in one smooth move. All without breaking the kiss. She turned the knob and it swung open with the weight of their bodies.

As soon as the door closed- Ashlyn backed Ali up to it, lifting her off the ground and crashing them hard into it. They were in a haze of desire and Ali flinched when her head slightly knocked the door.

"Sorry." Ashlyn whispered against her lips. She was normally good about that.

"It's okay." Ali whispered back. "I've done it to you plenty of times." She pointed out with a smile.

"You're impatient- so I get it." She laughed. "But that was just reckless on my part." She leaned back into the kiss and picked up where they left off.

It was getting heated and Ali was grabbing hard at the back of her neck. Her heels were scraping along the sides of Ashlyn's hips to the point Ashlyn had to take them off. She really wanted them on but it was distracting.

She focused back in on Ali and hoisted her up higher to gain better access. She slid her hands up- back along Ali's thighs and under her dress. She kept the kiss going and it grew more passionate by the minute.

Ashlyn slowly moved her hands up the back of Ali's thighs until she reached her panties. Ali flashed a knowing smile into the kiss as she remembered which ones she was wearing.

"Fancy." Ashlyn commented with a smirk.

"Just in case." Ali responded and moved back in to kiss her.

...

Ashlyn woke up around 10:00 AM - amazed she slept so late. She's a morning person so 10:00 is almost over-sleeping. Ali's head was tucked under her chin in usual fashion and Ashlyn watched as her back rose and fell while she slept. 

Eventually she nudged her awake and Ali slowly moved to stretch- realizing she was wearing one of Ashlyn's t-shirts as pajamas. 

"Good morning." Ashlyn pressed a kiss to the corner of Ali's mouth right after she finishes a yawn. "How'd you sleep?"

"Very good." Ali mumbled. "You?" She asked sheepishly after a moment.

"Same." Ashlyn smiled. She sat up and stretched her arms over her head before flopping back down to the bed. 

"Hey, sit up for a sec..." Ali gave her a weird look and urged her to sit back up.

Ashlyn did as she was told and looked back over her shoulder to Ali. "What?"

"You have bad scratches on your back." She examined them closer but stopped when she remembered what caused them. "Oh my god. I'm sorry!" She covered her mouth in near embarrassment.

"Oh stop!" Ashlyn pulled her hand down. "They're not even bad." She assured and then grinned when she saw Ali relax. "But yea, you were pretty crazy last night." She pointed out with an appreciative smile. 

"I knowww." Ali dropped her head back and bit her lip. "You make me crazy though." She said shyly. 

"I kind of want to make you crazy again right now..." Ashlyn suggested and Ali slowly turned to face her.

...

They left the room a couple hours later for brunch. It was like normal. Everything felt good again.

After brunch, they took a walk along the beach. Ashlyn was waiting for the right moment to ask her when Ali grabbed her hand and laced it with her own. This sudden bout of public affection made Ashlyn's mind fall blank.

But Ali had it covered anyway... 

"So, I know this isn't how we work. Usually this would be your kind of thing but... do you... want to be my girlfriend? ... Again." Ali asked hesitantly. Tired of waiting for Ashlyn to do it. 

Ashlyn paused for a long time before smiling and looking Ali in the eyes. "I would love to be your girlfriend... again." She pulled Ali in and kissed her temple. 

Ali pulled back to kiss her on the lips for a moment. They leaned their foreheads together for a while after that. Just smiling and giggling.

"One day... when our kids ask how we started dating- I'm going to tell them YOU asked ME out." Ashlyn teased, expecting a jab from Ali.

But Ali only held her tighter. Because there it was again- their future. It was back. And Ali didn't care what Ashlyn told their kids. As long as they had a future she was over the moon.

...


End file.
